Friends say I am abusive to him...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My friends say that I verbally abuse my boyfriend, which I didn't believe until I asked him about it, and he agreed after a bit of prodding. He says he has never said anything about this before out of fear, which shook me because I had no idea I was doing this. I tried to examine my behaviour after this conversation and couldn't figure out why they were saying this. It could be because I'm just loud, but if I don't see a problem could it just be that they are misinterpreting my behaviour or how I speak? I definitely don't think of myself as an abusive person so the thought of being considered one by people I know and trust has worried me a lot. How can I change something if I don't see a problem?
People you trust have pointed to a problem and your solution is to try and monitor yourself? If you can't see where you're going wrong, or what aspect of your behaviour is being perceived as problematic, they are the ones you should turn to for examples. If you want to fix this, ask them to call it out whenever it happens. Inability to recognise a problem is also a problem, and you won't be able to acknowledge it or try and change how you behave until that happens. Wanting to be a certain kind of person means nothing if your actions don't reflect that desire.

I said yes to a proposal from my boyfriend, but I am not ready, and things are now moving faster than ever. His family has begun planning a wedding and my family is also on board. I am always panicking because I don't know how to get them to stop. Please help.
Speak to your family and fiancé as soon as possible, because delaying that conversation only makes this worse. These are people who love you and will help you find a way out of this. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, so being honest is critical.

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