Friend says he’s not a good man...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

One of my closest friends just told me that my boyfriend is not a good person. He and I have been together for a year, and I love him a lot, so this message came as a bit of a shock to me. When I asked my friend to elaborate, she said she wasn't very certain of how to explain but believed that her instincts were always right. I have begun to look at my boyfriend a little more critically since that conversation. I still can't find anything that worries me, but I also trust my friend and know that she is completely supportive of me and would never do anything to cause me harm. She has my best interests at heart. Should I end this relationship based on what she said?
If she can't elaborate, and is simply going by her instincts, what about your own instincts? If you aren't convinced, keep in mind that you are in a far better position to gauge what your boyfriend is like. Being wary is great, as is being observant of what may be worrying your friend. Until you, or your friend, have a better idea of what the red flag is, why end a relationship you have worked so hard on? It's nice to have a friend who supports you, but it's also important to be able to form your own opinions. No one outside a relationship can ever fully understand it. Why not take your time, give it a few more months, and call it off if you don't see a future with this person?

My girlfriend is very selective about what she tells me when it comes to her personal life. I tell her everything about myself, whenever she asks me a question. Is this unfair?
It's not about fairness. It's your life, and you can choose to draw boundaries and share what you want to. Similarly, she has that right, and can open up when she wants to, and to a degree she feels comfortable with.

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