Friend says he has feelings for me...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

One of my closest friends recently told me that he has had feelings for me for over a year. This came as a surprise to me because there had never been any indication of the sort and I have never even hinted at liking him in any way other than as a friend. We have been in school and college together, shared our deepest secrets, and he knows everything about me, which is why I was taken aback by his surprising declaration. I laughed it off and asked him to relax, after which he got emotional and asked me to consider it, saying that a relationship between close friends made perfect sense. I tried to explain that it didn't because I simply don't have romantic feelings towards him, but he has started to become closed and distant towards me since we had that conversation. I don't know what to do because I feel so hurt. I had nothing to do with his feelings and feel as if I am being blamed simply because I told him the truth. I want my friend back and can't believe he is behaving like this. How do I fix it?
You don't have to fix anything because you haven't done anything to ruin it. He is the one who has to acknowledge that you are as entitled to feel the way you do as he is to have feelings for you. He is struggling with rejection because his insecurities prevent him from accepting that you have the right to date anyone you choose to. If he is willing to let go of a beautiful friendship because of an inability to respect your decision as an adult, the loss is his alone. Give him time and space to think about what he is willing to give up and, if you're lucky and he is smart enough, he may come to his senses. If he doesn't, remember that you have done nothing wrong and that you shouldn't blame yourself for his lack of maturity.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com