Every little thing triggers him...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My partner is always stressed about everything and blows the tiniest things out of proportion. If I do one little thing that he thinks is wrong, it takes days for him to forgive and move on. I find myself walking on eggshells all the time because of this behaviour and it takes a huge toll on our relationship because I end up getting worried too. There is nothing light-hearted for more than a few minutes because there is always the fear that something will trigger him. I have tried to talk about this, and he knows it's a problem but says he is helpless because he can't control himself when these things happen. He apologises and promises to try but, a day or two later, it's the same thing all over again. Is a relationship viable under these circumstances? He thinks we have a future, but I am not so sure because I can't imagine living my whole life like this.
It's not viable because it's obvious he has a condition that isn't being treated. Stress is a catchall term for what can be extreme anxiety, or any number of issues that can affect a person's mood or temperament. This isn't something that can be diagnosed by a non-professional either, but whatever it is, he doesn't have the tools to cope and needs help. If this is affecting you too, there may be long-term consequences for your own mental health. If either of you want to make this relationship work, there will have to be some kind of intervention with a professional therapist. You may need to speak to someone too, because choosing to be with someone who struggles with anxiety presumably calls for a different set of coping mechanisms from a partner. For your partner to apologise is fine, as is recognising that there is a problem, but that isn't enough to sustain this. Stress can lead to anger, which isn't healthy. Think about what this means for your future and have a chat with him soon.

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