Can we be friends after divorce?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My husband and I recently decided to get divorced because we have been struggling with this marriage for a few years. We went to a counsellor for two years but haven't been able to resolve some of our biggest issues. This saddens us because we have been together for eight years and dated for two years before that. The fact that we have no children is a consolation, but we are sad that it has come to this. Neither of us want to separate, which is why we went to a counsellor and tried everything we could to save our marriage, but it feels as if we have run out of options. I hope we can stay friends, but it doesn't even seem as that might happen because we are both heartbroken. What can we do to try and save our friendship, if nothing else?
If there really is a certain amount of importance you both attach to each other, the process of healing will lead naturally to one of reconciliation and acceptance. The fact that you have both tried your best to save this relationship is testament to a mutual love and respect even if it isn't immediately apparent. Why not let this process take its time, and give yourselves a chance to grieve the way you both will inevitably want to? When the proverbial dust has settled, you may both find yourselves in a state of clarity that allows you to evaluate the state of your relationship and connect again in some way. Friendships can be fragile, but you already have the advantage of knowing each other deeply for a long time, which can work in your favour if you stop forcing it. I suggest you concentrate on getting through the divorce in as civil a manner as possible, take some time off to focus on yourself and your well-being, and come back to this when you're ready. With some luck, your husband will be ready to reach out again, even if it's just for coffee.

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