Are his feelings for me shallow?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Last month, my boyfriend told me that he was considering ending our relationship because he had begun to have feelings for a colleague. I was heartbroken but didn't say anything because I felt there was no point. Today, he messaged me to say he was wrong and that it was just an infatuation, asking me to forget it happened. I can't just forget it and move on because it feels as if this relationship doesn't matter to him as much as it does to me. How can someone claim to love someone else, then ask me to forget about it? Are his feelings for me so shallow? I have begun to question everything about him and what he has said to me, and don't know if I can trust him again. He hasn't done anything wrong, but the confidence I had in him has been shaken and I don't know how to restore it. Is everything between us doomed because of this? Should I just assume there is no hope for us?
What you are feeling is perfectly understandable given what has happened, and you're right to question the relationship. I suggest you ask for some time away from him so you can get a better sense of what this means and where you stand with regards to how you see your future with him. He needs to understand the consequences of this too because, even though he may dismiss it as an infatuation, the two of you clearly have different perspectives on how you see this bond. Time off may also give him a chance to consider his own feelings for you, what you mean to him, and whether he is willing to work harder to fix this in the future. It isn't doomed, but not addressing it will make it harder for the two of you going forward. This doesn't have to end badly if you are mature about it, and he takes time to address the hurt he has caused you with his callous comments.

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