Am I being unfair to him?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My partner is married but has separated from his wife. Their marriage failed a few years ago and they haven't divorced yet because they are still working out the financial conditions. I know he loves me, and I believe he wants a future with me, but I sometimes wonder about his behaviour and what it is about him that caused that relationship to fail. He sometimes says and does things that make it impossible for me to see a long-term relationship with him. Am I being unfair by allowing his past to colour my opinion of him?
You should gauge this relationship by how he behaves with you alone, because every relationship has a different dynamic created by the people in it. It will be impossible for you to understand why his marriage failed, because you have no insights into what went on, nor do you know anything about his wife or how she contributed to it. If you think there are red flags that prevent you from seeing a future with this person, trust your instinct. Ultimately, time alone will give you clarity about what he's like and whether his behaviour is cause for concern. You are also technically with someone who is still married, which may or may not be a factor you should take into consideration. People who haven't been able to cut ties with earlier relationships aren't always capable of managing new ones.

I don't know if my girlfriend is depressed, but I know she isn't as enthusiastic about me as she used to be when we began dating. I know she has struggled with depression for years, so I am assuming that is the cause. How do I get her to cheer up?
Depression is a serious illness, not something that can be fixed by a night out. If your girlfriend isn't speaking to a professional, the best thing you can do is support her and offer to take her to a therapist. This will also allow you to understand her condition better.

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