‘Life is not a marksheet’

With actress Alice Patten, who played Sue Mckinley in Rang De Basanti

It's a behind-the-scenes look at my career, and what has shaped me. But not in that cliched way of how we see BTS videos - a camera panning. Someone saying cut and make-up happening. There is so much more that goes into the making of a movie," says director Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra of what inspired his latest book, The Stranger in the Mirror (Rupa Publications), which he has co-written with Reeta Ramamurthy Gupta.

The title starts off with chapters about his relationship with his parents, and later, his friends, who he says could be like the fictional friends of his 2006 film, Rang De Basanti. He also delves into his successful career as an advertising professional. The son of a kitchen staffer who rose the ranks at a hotel in Delhi, Mehra's early movie influences, included the legendary Mughal-e-Azam. It's the movie and his mother's voice that he credits for him "thinking in Hindi". The book also takes a look at the making of his landmark films, including Aks, Delhi-6, RDB, Bhaag Milkha Bhaag and Mirzya, and speaks about the depressive lows he encountered when some of them weren't received the way he had imagined.

mid-day spoke to Mehra about the idea behind the book, the disappointments, and his relationship with his country, which is a major ingredient in all his movies.

Edited excerpts from the interview.

If you had to make a movie about your life based on the book, would it be a coming-of-age one, or a rags-to-riches story?
I doubt anyone would like to make a movie about my life! The book, and my life, is a conversation. Even with my movies, I have always tried to have a conversation with my audience, and they have taken the movies home with them. The book tries to consolidate that. It follows me through my childhood, to school and then college, my first job as a salesman, my career in advertising, moving to Mumbai, and finally ending up in the movies. Through this, I also wanted to say, never get disheartened. If things are not working out, it's okay. Just keep going.

With wife PS Bharathi

Speaking of being disheartened, you have discussed slipping into depression, and drinking after the bleak reception to Delhi-6.
I don't see Delhi-6 as a failure. But I love failure. It's a milestone in your life. If you put all your failures together, you can raise the bar. I have never come across a pole vaulter who has cleared the bar the first time. The reason I am saying Delhi-6 was not a failure is because that's a box office term. I went into depression because I failed myself. I had not been able to convey on screen what I was dying to convey. I had the resources, and the actors and technicians, and a great music director. So, I had no one to blame. Maybe I could have told the story differently. But now that I look back, I feel it was perfectly told. It was pushing the envelope a lot - not just in technique, but it also asked people to make a paradigm shift in their ideology and what they believed in. It was too much to ask for.

Maybe it was just too out there for the majority junta to process?
That's why the book becomes important. It traces the whole journey. And then I leave it to the reader to make sense of it.

With Prahlad Kakkar during his advertising days. Pics courtesy/Rupa Publications

But how has your process of "dealing" changed over the years?
Emotionally, I am sensitive. But that should not be confused with being disheartened. If you don't get something in your first attempt, you should not lose hope. Maybe, you will get it in your 1,000th attempt. The attempts are very important. Those are stepping stones. This, I have faced with most of my films. I start all over again with every movie. It's always a different project, and it's not always very "Bollywood". I respect everyone who works with and believes in me.

India is always a big character in your movies. How would you describe your relationship with the country right now?
More than India, it's the idea of India [that interests me]. We are young, but also very ancient. When I see the idea of India crumbling, I try to build it back with my movies. I want to do my bit. Yes, there is conflict, and with conflict comes resolution. The idea of India is what patriotism means to me. The land you come from is an extension of your personality. And so, I make movies about that. I can't make the American movie in India.

What is the most important lesson your parents taught you?
The best lesson they taught me was that they didn't try and teach me anything - they let me be. They repeated my choices. Early on, I did well in advertising, I was earning well. I bought the first motorcycle my family owned. To drop all that and say, I was going to Mumbai, was madness. People said it was insanity. It was my parents who said, why not? As my mother used to say, "Tumhara man kar raha hai, toh chale jao." You don't need the pressure. It's better to achieve less, but without pressure, or without taking pain or giving pain. But that doesn't mean you don't aim big.

What do you hope the reader will take away from the book?
I hope it comes across that I want them to listen to their own voice, their inner voice. That's all that matters, especially in a time of so much clutter. Somebody else's truth is not your truth. Someone is scoring 90 per cent, but that's not your aim. Be happy with your 50 per cent. Life is not a marksheet. You realise this only with age.