There is no spark between us...

Illustration/ Uday Mohite

I have a question about physical chemistry, which everyone says is important in any relationship, but which I don't experience at all with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year, and I really like him a lot. We enjoy spending time with each other, but I don't sense this spark or magic that everyone says one should feel with one's partner. I don't know how to fix it if I don't even know what is missing. Please tell me what I can do.

Why are you basing what your relationship ought to feel like on what everyone says it should? If the two of you like being with each other, love and respect each other, and feel as if you are both good for each other, why worry about a mythical spark that probably occurs more on awful romantic comedies than anywhere else? Magic can be mundane, and still be life changing. Don't look for problems that don't exist. That elusive spark will make its presence felt in time.

I really like this girl but don't know how to tell her because I am extremely shy. We meet every other week for coffee and have been on a few movie dates too. I think she likes me because she wouldn't meet me if she didn't, but the idea of asking her is terrifying. How do I find out if this is more than just a friendship?

You can simply spend more time with her, without concentrating on how or what you want to say. You don't always have to say things for two people to understand if something is working between them. If she likes you, chances are you will pick that up when she is ready to give you some information. Until then, I suggest you simply enjoy being with her. You're right about her not meeting you if she didn't like being around you, so don't complicate things by worrying about making a declaration.

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