Turning adversity into ideas

The Ganga Vilas is the longest River Cruise in the world

I was terribly excited to hear about the longest river cruise in the world, the imaginatively-named ‘Ganga Vilas' inaugurated a couple of weeks ago. I have no intention of ever booking a ticket, obviously, but I was excited nonetheless. I didn't examine the 50 tourist spots it is supposed to cover or look too closely into the 27 river systems it will supposedly introduce tourists to, because I was amazed that people would pay for an experience like this in the first place. Maybe there is always market for holidays, irrespective of how polluted or uninteresting a place may be, and who am I to judge if I'm not willing to pony up the price of a ticket?

What the river cruise inspired me to do, however, is think of ways in which Bombay's own problems can be turned into opportunities for tourism. The government of India has, over the past eight years or so, turned into a finely tuned, high-functioning public relations organisation, and I couldn't help wonder why the government of Maharashtra wasn't asking for some of that expertise. All we needed, I realised, was a solid advertising and marketing budget to make our city more attractive than it is.

I have, like millions of residents, given up on Bombay ever approaching a state of completion as far as infrastructure is concerned. I have resigned myself to the fact that there will always be roads dug up, metros being constructed, and heritage spots destroyed to make way for a new mall or coastal road project. I have made my peace with this because I think we can all agree that the government probably has no plan either and is just making it all up as it goes along. A new committee two years down the line may decide that concretisation of roads is a bad idea, and everything that will be accomplished by then may have to be torn up while we start again. It's fine. We haven't been able to figure out how roads need to be constructed in over 70 years, and may simply need another 70 to get a better idea.

Also Read: Indian travellers are the best

We need to market Bombay to tourists who will otherwise struggle to find something worth visiting, and that river cruise may be just the sort of thing we need. Why can't we come up with something like the World's Longest Urban Road Trip, for instance, from Churchgate to Borivli? It's a little over 40 kilometres by the Western Express Highway, but anyone who spends more than a week in Bombay knows that it can take four to six hours to cover that distance if one steps out at the wrong time. The fact that no one knows what the right time is only adds to the frisson of excitement any commuter experiences when they set off on that journey.

If we encourage tourists to accept that our roads don't function, and that potholes are a deliberate attempt at making them stop and look at construction spots, we may be able to attract the same kind of tourists currently paying a lot of money to sail down a polluted body of water and look at people bathing or washing clothes on its banks. We can offer catered meals to visitors on this route, and end every journey with a complimentary massage at the Dahisar Check Naka before offering them a return journey later that day. It can be a day-long outing that allows them to reconnect with family, as the traffic and lack of anything interesting outside their windows forces them to look at each other for a change.

I recognise this will require tourists to make a significant leap of imagination, but that is where the government's PR machinery can come into play. All we need is a statement from the Prime Minister, along with a promise of him inaugurating this tour package, and our television channels will do the rest, making this holiday package seem more exciting than a trip to Paris.

Naturally, I foresee cynicism because there is always someone complaining about how we can't do things. I think there will be more visionaries who see this as an opportunity though. We all know ours is no longer a city for walkers, as parks and public spaces steadily disappear with each year. We also know this isn't a safe city for women, children, senior citizens, or pets, so why shouldn't we celebrate the only people Bombay is being developed for - vehicle owners?

When he isn't ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira

Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com

The views expressed in this column are the individual's and don't represent those of the paper