No hungry Indians around

India ranked 27.5, pointing to a level of hunger that is ‘serious’. Representation pic

I ate three meals today, before sitting down to write this column. Unfortunately, my good mood dissipated rather quickly. Staring at me from a browser tab on my laptop was a report by the Global Hunger Index that supposedly measured and tracked hunger at global, regional, and national levels. Its score for India this year was 27.5, pointing to a level of hunger that it declared ‘serious'. I read through it angrily while reaching for my bowl of potato chips.

According to the so-called report, India's GHI score had decreased from "a 2000 Global Hunger Index score of 38.8 points - considered alarming - to a 2021 GHI score of 27.5 - considered serious". I couldn't tell the difference. Was it better for us to be alarmed? Contemplating it on a full tummy made it difficult to comprehend. Naturally, I did what every self-respecting patriot would, and shut the tab, opting for entertainment via one of our television news channels instead.

I don't think of India as a hungry country. We may be a country of poor, bigoted, prejudiced, illiterate, morally and intellectually bankrupt people, but let no one accuse us of struggling to find food. Look at what a vada pav costs. Look at how crowded the food courts at our malls are. Look at our well-fed ministers. Look how long and lustrous their well-maintained white beards are.

Hunger in India is a myth created by the West to distract their citizens from how successful India is on all fronts. GHI scores, for example, are supposedly based on data and estimates for four indicators - undernourishment, stunting in children, wasting in children, and under-five mortality - drawing on data from the United Nations and other multilateral agencies. Apparently, the same sources are used to calculate GHI scores for all countries covered in the report, using the same methodology and comparable time periods.

This is wrong on so many levels, because everyone knows our children don't get enough to eat. This is done on purpose to prepare them for adulthood, where those who can't graduate with useful degrees in crucial subjects like Entire Political Science may struggle to become ministers. It's also a sign of foresight because India has long expected drought and famine wrought by climate change and intends to prepare forthcoming generations for any possible eventuality. Timing matters too, because so many of us starve for religious purposes, withholding meals so our gods and goddesses may eat. This simple reason is always lost on the world outside.

Luckily for us, the government shot back almost immediately, first expressing surprise, then pointing out that those estimates put forth by the Food and Agriculture Organization of the UN regarding the proportion of undernourished population were devoid of "ground reality and facts". There were no details about the reality or facts, obviously, because we shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone outside our borders. If the government says no Indian is hungry, we must accept it. If it says we have the most competent people on the planet, we already know that to be true.

Reports like these often cite ‘external experts', which is where the problem lies. There are no external experts qualified to comment on India. The only experts who matter are internal ones, specifically those deemed so by the government. How can external experts say that India slipped from the 94th position (in 2020) to the 101st? How can they assume we now have more people struggling with hunger than Pakistan, Bangladesh, and Nepal? Who is to say these so-called experts haven't been paid off by the 100 countries allegedly faring better than us?

I gauge reports like these by examining my immediate surroundings. If I am not hungry, it proves that everyone around me has access to food as well. Cynics will call this approach naïve or unscientific, but one of the things that makes India the greatest nation on Earth is our ability to be naïve and unscientific. We may lose our best and brightest minds to the West, and slip further down these imaginary lists on poverty, development, press freedom or hunger. It won't matter though, because we will still sleep well, safe in the knowledge that every other country may do better than us, but not one of them can claim to have the things our government says we do.

I'm done with the Global Hunger Index forever. As a benevolent and intelligent ruler once said, a long time ago, if the poor have no access to bread, they can always eat cake.

When he isn't ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira

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The views expressed in this column are the individual's and don't represent those of the paper