Madhya Pradesh over the Maldives

A crowded platform at Andheri railway station on October 27, 2023. It may sound facetious, but no one who has visited Andheri can say that the Maldives has more to offer. File pic/PTI

Wikipedia tells me that, as of December 2022, a mere 7.2 per cent of Indian citizens possessed a valid passport. This was a surprise because I assumed most of my fellow brothers and sisters were ready to make international travel plans over the past month. I thought about that surprising statistic in January, as debates raged over whether we should condescend to visit the Maldives. Some of their ministers had made disparaging remarks about our most honourable Prime Minister, apparently, so the entire country was deemed unworthy of our attention. Angry Indians on Twitter warned of an impending apocalypse and predicted a meltdown of the Maldivian economy. Neither has occurred yet, but it's only February.

I understand we must now assume that any insult to the most honourable Prime Minister is an insult to us personally, but I wondered if our collective reaction on social media was warranted. Did we really need to get so hot and bothered about a few statements from people we have never heard about? Then again, I keep forgetting that this is a New India. It is a place where a foreign country may or may not encroach upon a few thousand kilometres of land without repercussions, but insulting tweets will not be tolerated.

Those few weeks must have been infuriating for the remaining 92.8 per cent of Indians who do not hold passports. They must have been forced to swallow their anger and watch as others swore never to visit the Maldives again. Some true patriots shared screenshots of cancelled flight tickets as proof, and a couple of travel agents got into the act too, by stopping future bookings and cancelling group tours. It felt like a lot of unnecessary work for a country arguably less beautiful than, say, Andheri.

This may sound facetious, but no one who has visited Andheri can say that the Maldives has more to offer. Consider the presence of two McDonald's outlets and fast food stalls on every pavement outside the railway station, world-class entertainment in the form of Infiniti Mall, or the gorgeous sunsets of Versova, and tell me if any other city or country can offer so much in such a small space. I believe that is the kind of argument we should put forth more often, when trying to convince foreign tourists to visit us.

Everyone in India knows that this country ought to be the world's number one destination, which is why a strong message sent to the Maldives is such a step in the right direction. We know India has the tallest mountains, the most Instagrammable statues, the best beaches, and the most evolved art and culture on Earth, so why shouldn't we be talking about these things more often? It is only a matter of time before cities like Vienna, Paris and Sydney fall by the wayside as more travellers opt for Vile Parle, Pune and Solapur instead. I hope the government uses this momentum to launch a more sustained campaign proclaiming the sights and sounds of these lesser-known places.

It is also strange that the 7.2 per cent of passport-holders would even think of visiting a foreign country when there is so much that is more beautiful at our doorsteps. How can anyone visit London and not find Ludhiana more impressive? It is stranger to realise that many parts of London are now populated largely by people from Ludhiana. This points to a collective failure on our government's part, for not doing enough to educate those who have time, money and valid passports. Thousands of Indians from Punjab and Gujarat have been caught trying to immigrate to the United States, presumably because they haven't been informed that Uttar Pradesh offers them more opportunities.

There is much that the film industry can do to promote this bold new idea. This is why it was heartening to see so many actors talk about how Lakshadweep is far prettier than the Maldives. I hope they put their money where their pliable mouths are and stop filming in any other country, going forward. I also hope this sense of nationalism extends to their private lives, so they no longer feel the need to holiday abroad and share their photographs with the rest of us.

2024 has begun well, and things will only get better. I look forward to a time when none of us will need passports anymore, because we won't need to go out into the world to see anything. The world will come to us.

When he isn't ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira
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