Lobo Lobo’s sisters

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Lobo Lobo stood at my doorstep, 10 colourful, ornate rakhis adorned his arm.

"Lobo Lobo, I know today is Raksha Bandhan, but why so many rakhis, spreading all the way from your wrist till your elbow?"

"Arre Dikuna men, wot to tell you, chhe, you wont believe only."

"So try me," I challenged.

"Dikuna men, I have ten sisters uuufff!"

"Wow, that's a lot of uhm... uh."

"Yes, too many women in one family, and all of dem have landed up to tie rakhis!"

"You have ten sisters... and how many brothers?"

"Just me men…just me... so I'm fully overwhelmed men. See, our mudder and fadder kept trying for a boy, but dey were fatafat only having de girls. My sasses are Hyacinth, Petunia, Blossom, Rose, Pansy, Daisy, Dahlia, Violet, Ivy and Magnolia - all named after blinking flaars men! Dey kept trying for a boy… dey were about to give up. My mom Rapunzel told my dad Tchaikovsky, ‘Chalo Tchai, bas now. I'm toh tired,' but dey gave one last shot and voilà… I popped out men! All of us tirteen people lived in a small two bedroom house in Orlem, Malad. Full day kitpit in my ears, gossip-shossip… den tankfully one by one dey all left de home and I finally got some peace and quiet!"

"What do they all do, Lobo Lobo?," I asked, fascinated, that my cable technician had 10 sisters.

"So Bossie, dey do very different different tings - de oldest is Hyacinth, she's a hairdresser-cum-makeup artiste. In de '70s, she was in very big demand for Bollywood, in fact she became Hema Malini's personal hair dresser. Arre in 1975, she was de first hairdrsseer who went to Afghanistan, Hemaji took her for Dharmatma, den she came back to India for Sholay. One year she spent in de shoot, and dat Garam Dharam kept messing up her hair men! Fun became! Dis year only dey celebrated 45 years of de blockbuster. Dream Girl Hema maam took Hyacinth to de Sholay celebration party- till now Hyacinth does Hemaji's makeup and hair for dat Kent Water Purifer ads and all."

"You must be so proud, Lobo Lobo?"

"No mad o wot, she irritates only, she used to practice her make-up on me when we were kids, I had lipstick all over my lips and dat, whachyoucall, foundation on my face! Chhe! Everyone would make fun of me."

"And the others sisters, what do they do?"

"See foe of dem are homemakers, dey quietly got married and one two went to de Gulf and one two, our side only dey live. But our Violet, my fifth number saas is an ex hockey player men, she was in de team for Asian Games, de fust ladies team, dey won de Bronze. Dey were de fust Chak De team men… she was de captain and centre forward, she ran away and got married to de captain of de men's volleyball team, Jarnail Singh. My parents were damn bald ragged wid dem, ‘how she can marry outside de community', but ever since dere son, young Bartholemew Surjit Singh Bindra was born, all was forgiven! Tree of de girld are spinsters men, dey take care of my parents in Goa, and de last one, just above me, my favourite, Petunia, she is a air hostess men."

"So Lobo Lobo, I'm guessing they've all come to your home, to tie rakhis and remind you that you are their protector?"

"Also Dikuna men, dey all are demanding some moolah, problem became ya!"

"But Lobo Lobo, it is tradition to give your sisters something on Raksha Bandhan, right?"

"Arrey, I'm broke! But I gave dem all sumthing."

"What?" I asked, curiously.

"One years cable subscription, plus one dish antenna… Free."

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com