GOAT gets my goat

Illustration/Uday Mohite

And so, dear reader, are you familiar with the acronym GOAT? You are aware that it spells out as the Greatest Of All Time?

I have several issues with this acronym. If I may share them with you -

1. It is indeed unfortunate that GOAT is spelled as ‘goat'…because you got GOAT - the Greatest Of All Time Vs Goat - The Dumbest Of All Animals! If the acronym has to spell an animal, how about a more majestic one?

2. For some reason, this superlative doesn't seem to extend beyond sportspersons.

GOAT never includes say, politicians, or statesmen, no one ever asks which of the following are the Greatest of all time - Mahatma Gandhi? Mussolini? Malcolm X? Martin Luther King? Morarji Desai? Margaret Thatcher? Nope, no one goes there. Or the GOAT in acting… Brando? Pacino? DeNiro? Or Big B, SRK, Naseeruddin? Nawazuddin? Yusufbhai? Irfanbhai? No one dares to compare Hollywood to Bollywood, but in cricket, tennis and football, it's a free for all…

3. My third issue is, what's the criteria to crown someone GOAT - how do you judge a person's GOATness?

Is it sheer talent, tapped or untapped, realised or unrealised? Is it trophies won across Grand Slams, or tournaments or clubs? Or how many weeks in the rankings? Is it how teammates, rivals and contemporaries across eras respect and regard you? Is it the number of years played, fitness into your mid 30s and beyond? Is it skill across surfaces in tennis and formats in cricket, and football clubs? Is it about the fierceness of rivalries you had in your career

4. On another note, how can you call someone a GOAT in the present, by so nonchalantly forgetting the greats of the past? So is Nole Djoker the present GOAT, because he now has 23 Grand Slams, the highest ever, relegating Rafa and Roger to the annals of history? And what becomes of the geniuses of previous eras - what about Rod Laver, the first man to win all four Slams, or Bjorn ‘Iceborg' with his five back-to-back Wimbledons, or Pistol Pete Sampras who influenced generations of players to pick up rackets… do they go out the window of forgotten immorality - and if Carlos Alcaraz gets 24, will he displace Novak - plus Djoker has won some one-sided Slams… across decidedly weak opponents… whereas Rafa and Roger won theirs against each other and other greats.

In cricket, how can one so blithely crown Virat as the GOAT… when we know that Viv was in another league, or Lara, even Sachin.

GOAT is my book, and has become the flavour of the month. Till the FIFA 2022 finals it was a close call between Messi vs CR7. Boom, Argentina won, and Leo became the man, erasing Ronaldo, Maradona, Beckenbauer, even Pele. How does that happen?

In some sports the GOATS are immovable - No Mike Tyson can shake Muhammed Ali's pedestal, no LeBron James can rattle Michael Jordan's throne, so how can anyone erase the legend that is Pele.

5. Let's get to personality. Can the GOAT also be the number one Grouch Of All Time - through most of his career Novak has been whiney, whingey, whimpering, complaining of cramps when the other guy is winning, wonderful sportsmanship only when the other guy is losing, surely Grace Of All Time counts for something when electing the greatest - for that look no further than the Fed - surely the magnificence of personality has to be a yardstick. GOAT has to be a worthy ambassador of his/her sport, audiences have to adore you, kids have to look up to you, scandal cannot stick to you, controversy has to be limited.

6. And finally… all the greatest GOATs knew when to call it a day - when to split, when to leave the arena, the pitch, the stadium, the court, the ground, held head high, not overstaying a welcome.

GOAT should also be Get Out (at the) Appropriate Time.

And finally if we need an animal acronym to sum up this title, how about CAT - Champion Across Time?

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com