Tere bin Laden

Mr bin Laden,
Can't sleep so I might as well write you a letter. Just to keep you updated. Things aren't the same back here since you left for somewhere (through the Arabian Sea). And while you have been busy with your 72 virgins (or more going by your prowess), others back here have been pretty occupied too.

Remember this old chum (whose name rhymes with yours) who promised to flush you out? Wait! wasn't it his predecessor? Well, they all act the same way around you so how does it matter. Anyway, this guy (the one who flushed you out and away) has been busy telling the world that you have left and won't come back anymore. Now, that has resulted in a record approval rating ufffd 60 per cent. And now his countrymen, when inquired whether they'll re-elect him again, reply ufffd 'Yes, we can!' I wonder how this news makes you feel but it seems he indeed is having a good time without you around.

Another old pal, whose hospitality you enjoyed all these years is very angry that big brother came to his pad without informing him and took you way. Since the cat is out of the bag, he is having trouble explaining why your remarkable company wasn't shared with others. Of course, he feigns ignorance but some are saying it's all a sham and big brother has promised him an Oscar (best actor) or something equivalent if he pulls this off right.
And since you left in haste, a lot of people in my country have been caught off guard. Till you left, our most wanted list boasted of Anwar Ahmed Haji Jamal, Javed Patel, Slaim Abdul Gani Gazi, Riyaz, all of them belonging to a company called D, but now, our people are busy publishing documents (since lending dossiers don't work) and 'mounting pressure'. Now we want someone called 'Major Iqbal'u00a0 who works for a company called ISI. But then you know, our leader's name doesn't start with an O. So I wonder how long we will have to wait since big brother had to wait for almost 10 years to get you.

Well, I can tell you a lot more since we talk only about you these days. Your successors, the house you lived, the herbal Viagra you took etc. Don't worry someone is even selling your T-shirts on Osamadeadtees.com, which says 'went, saw, conquered, Osama, Just Dead it'. Pretty moronic, I say, but then seems things associated with you don't make sense anyway.u00a0

I think I will end my letter now. Some one pinged me about this 'Osama is dead party' tomorrow and I got to check it out.
Signing off,