Rhyme shyme

Illustration/Uday Mohite

So, dear reader, I have become a lyricist. No, not in the same zone as Gulzar, Dylan and Mika Singh.

I'm a ghost lyricist for some leading personalities, matlab they are big big people, but writing isn't their strong suit. I mean everyone's a poet these days and everyone's writing books, right? But these are people who'd like to express their deepest emotion in verse - call it prose, slam poetry, stream of consciousness iambic pentameter...

jo bhi.

Secondly dear reader, I will not name whose poem it is, or who it's about. You will have to guess.

1. Winners get two passes to the IPL finals.

2. Runners-up get to have the EVM machines come home, so you don't have to go to the voting booth and stand in line. Cool gift, right?

Here goes: one sample verse from each song. (If you want the whole song, you can download from Apple Tunes at '15).

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane
All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
My coffers were empty, pilots on a go slow
The airline I founded
My planes are all grounded
It's all gone
It's goyal goyal gone
Stepped down from the board
Both me and the missus
I offered to clean the dishes
But they don't want me or the
missus
So I'm gone
Goyal goyal gone
I'm leaving on a jet plane
I'm leaving on a jet plane
Cockpit cockpit cockpit
Runway runway runway
Goyal goyal gone
I Mankaded You
So in that match where the overs are 'bees'
You left your crease, dude, you left your crease
Hey Buttler… "How's the Jos?"
Now you know who's the boss
See my name ain't Ash-lose
It's Ashwin
Get the pun?
I'm a Diamond in the Rough
On a 'golden visa' I left our shores
For having cheated banks of crores
The CBI's on my tail
While I'm in jail
Gimme bail
My art's up for sale
I'm a diamantaire,
Making solitaires
Now I'm in solitary
My name shoulda been Heera Moti
But I'm NiMo
I'm a chief of chiefs
Why are they calling me a thief?
ASAT Asap
(This is a rap poem - a la Kendrick Lamar)
Izzat a rocket? Izzit a plane?
Izzat a missile?
DRDO ISRO DRDO ISRO
Yo yo yo yo
Peeps thought it was DeMo
But no…
He let the cat out of the hat
It was A SAT
Jinping, Putin, Trump
Had de missile before us
Now we got it
Got it? Did you get it?
Yeah we got it
Yay yay yay
It can blow a satellite outta de sky
ASAT asap
Zip zap zoom
Blow you outta de sky
Orbit orbit
From low fly you no fly
Yeah mama
We got the ASAT asap
Destroyed a live satellite
on a low earth orbit
Blow you outta de sky
Blow you outta de sky
Blow you outta de sky
ASAT asap
Yay yeah mama!

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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