Rahul da Cunha: One man, many lives, men!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

So Lobo Lobo came to my house the other day, very excited. "Hey Dikuna, I'm damn trilled men, socko happy," he says. "Why is that, Mr Lobo? What is the reason for your joy?" I ask. "I got a call men from Vidu Vinod Chopra, dey told me dere making a fillum on my life… sumting called a biopic, de guy said, somebody called Hirani Phirani is directing it!"

"Oh yes, a biopic, they have made one on the life of Sanjay Dutt... Sanju it's called. You mean to say they're planning one on your life? Wow, how did this happen?" "Yeah like dat only it happened... dey tolded me dat de fillim will be titled, 'THEO…ONE BLOKE… MANY LIVES' men!" "Okay, but I'm confused. How many different sides do you have to your life?" 'Many stages men. I'm like a wot you call dat lizard, aah, a chameleon." "So tell me the stages, Lobo."

"So the story starts in 1947, like when I fought against the British." "You yourself fought against the British?" I asked incredulously. "Yes… me and my grandfather… men, we fought!" "But you... how can you have fought… you must have been, what, two years old?" "I was two, men… we were a battalion of two-year- olds, called The Little Lobos, we fought against two-year-old British soldiers." "Also, what do you feel about the fact that some ministers are claiming Christians never fought for Indian Independence?"

"I was dere men... I have proof, we fought like beasts, chhe." Theo Lobo never ceases to surprise me. I asked, "By the way, who will be essaying your role in 'THEO'? The way that Ranbir Kapoor played Sanjay Dutt?" "See men, dey feel dat one actor cannot do justice to my many 'sides', de way dat Ranbir has managed in Sanju. So different different stars are dere. Dat bloke Sanjay Kapoor, Anil's brudder, is de young Theo. Garam Dharm, aka Dharmendra, will be de older Theo. And dey are looking for someone to play de teenage Theo. Vicky Kaushal and Varun Dhawan are being considered!"

'And, Lobo Lobo who will be the heroine of the film?" "Jacqueline is playing my love interest!" he said. "Amazing! How did you pull that off? Wow, to get Jacqueline Fernandez to be opposite you in your own biopic!" 'No men, chhe, not dat Jacqueline, oh fo! We are getting Jacqueline D'Lima. She has been five times winner in our zonal competitions in Mount Carmel Church, Virar."

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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