Rahul da Cunha: Ready to diGST?

So, news that the GST for Khakras has been lowered from 18 per cent to five per cent has not gone down well with the Indian snack community. The first round of unrest began, obviously, in Gujarat. Most upset were the Theplas. Their leader, Lavesh Lasan, said, "This is nonsense, just because Khakras are dry and healthy, and we Theplas contain oil, why should we be taxed the regular 18% and they so much less? We are so much tastier than them."

The Dhokhlas and their nephews, the Khandvis, came together on a common platform, raging against this injustice - they even have their own hashtag to get social media support - #dholkaskhandvisagainstgst.

Illustration/Uday Mohite

The Debras and Ghatias are also livid. A spokesperson said, "We Debras and Ghatias are non-violent foods - we wish to show our unhappiness via a hunger fast."

Soon, the news had spread to other states - a number of regional snacks showed their displeasure.

The Hindi belt, represented by the Bedhais and Bedmis, was very vocal in its displeasure, threatening to disrupt the next parliament session. The Litti Chokha (the Laloo Prasad Yadav of Bihari snacks) said, "Jab tak rahega chokha, I will remain Bihar's joker."

The Onion Bhajiya said, "Arrey! I'm the national fatty snack of India, how can I not have lowered GST?"

The Kachori, remarked sarcastically, "Oye Bhajiya Bhaiya, forget lowered GST, people need to stop eating you to get lowered cholesterol. You should have 28 per cent GST against you for all the fried stuff you offer."

The Samosa, fat and complacent, announced pompously, "Hey Mitron, GST can come and demonetisation can go, budgets can also come and go, financial experts Raghuram Rajanji, Manmohanji, Jaitleysaab, Chidambaram saab, can come give fundas, but the Samosa will always be in power, samjhe na?"

West Bengal was not to be outdone in this fracas.

Kolkata's Mishti Doi was vehement. "If GST is not cut immediately, we will withdraw support at the centre!" the sweet dish shouted.

Hearing this, the Aloo Chaat lost it, "Hey Bengali babu, you are the single biggest cause of diabetes, so go jump in the Hooghly."

The responses in Maharashtra were the most, vitriolic.

The leader of the Vada Paos was very militant.

"We will not let one brick for the Bullet train be laid down till the GST on Vada Pao is brought down a reasonable level, which is zero per cent. In the meantime we will be organising a huge morcha from Shivaji Park to CST. The head of the Misal Paos, realised that their cousin was stealing a march over them, and announced hurriedly that their rally would begin in Satara and end at Azad Maidan.

In a stirring speech, the leader of the Vada Paos threatened, "I demand that all non-Maharashtrian snacks go back to their states. Or we will forcibly remove them."

South Indian snacks were quite noticeable in their silence. In effect they had quietly started a political party called AIADMAK - 'All Idlis All Dosas & Medus Against Khakras'.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com