Rahul da Cunha: Lobo Lobo returns!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

And, so my cable dude Lobo Lobo showed up at my doorstep on January 26 - huffing, puffing and holding a small flag of India. "First tings first… our PM gives long long bhashans about India, men, in wot is dat place? Davos. What kind of city name is 'Davos' men? Sounds like divorce?" I sensed this would be a long morning with Lobo Lobo. "What men, chhe men, how you men, it's all nonsense men, I'm bald ragged men," he rattled off.

"What ails you, Thelonius?" I asked, marginally exasperated. "What men, Dikkuna. I've went to see a fillum, dat Padmaavat one. And even dough the Supreme Court ruled dat dere would be no National Antem before de fillum, dey played it in dis multiplex in Vashi. Earlier, dey had said no need to stand up. So, I kept sitting munching my popcorn. One fellow behind me shouted, 'Hey maka pao stand up, show your patriotism or go back to Portugal. I told him, 'Hey hey, I'm from Bombay only, my mom is from Bassein and dad from Mahim, got it?.' What a rascal, what goes of his pop if I sit or stand?"

Lobo Lobo paused for breath, "Many many tings men, are making me pakaoed Mr Rahul. Our country is going mad, men. Some fellows in Rajastan want dere wives to burn demselves if dat Padmavaat fillum is released. Arre! If I even suggest to my Myrtle dat she should immolate herself, she'll blinking set me on fire and cook Chicken Cafreal on de flames." "This is a painful thought to lose you, Lobo Lobo."

"Arrey chhe men. Den dis wot-is-dere-name, aah dose Karni Sena hoodlumns. Arrey, it's bad enough you want to burn down de teatres dat are screening de picture, but in protest you trow stones at a school bus men? Arrey full to cowards ya. Wot is dere 'panga' men? De full movie is not controversial at all! You should see it men, che."
I assured Lobo Lobo I would see the movie.

"And den dere is dat minister chappie, telling us dat Darwin's teory, dat humans came from apes is wrong, because he never saw it actually happen. How can he say dat, men, he's in Indian politics. In Indian politics, men are always changing into apes, no?" Then Lobo Lobo smiled.

"But some good, good tings also happened did week - like dat ageless Roger Federer men, he's tirty six years young... Wot a blinking champ he is. He's like me men. I'm de over-45 age group tennis champ in Vashi Gymkhana. Six years in a row men, dis year I trashed Ronnie Paes, he's Leander's sixth cousin, Six-tree, six-tree...straight sets men! In Vashi area, I'm called Lobo, de Lion lawn tennis champ."

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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