Rahul da Cunha: Live and let dive

Illustration/Uday Mohite

See, okay, people are kind of upset about the slow decline of our once great city, especially during the monsoons. There is much unhappiness about, yeah, mostly flooding.

"Nothing changes, where do our taxes go, this was once such a great metro, every year battling potholes" is the constant refrain.

Okay, so to be fair, there was some flooding over the last week. Sure there was a few extra millimetres of rain… and when there is a few extra millimetres of rain, the drains get choked. So, obviously there were some areas where cars were seen floating… Chalo, I accept that some areas were submerged under water, and that the resilient citizens of our city had to wade through waist high dirty water... Okay, some people even fell into potholes… Okay, so parts of Bhandup seemed like 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Okay, chalo, I accept, that Vashi and Vasai were put through hell for three days, no electricity, no supplies - but, dear reader, please understand that there is a plan for all this. There is a method to the madness. This is for a higher purpose.

Let me give you the full plan.

The SAI (Sports Authority of India) has come together with our BMC. The request the SAI made to the BMC is this: "We need international quality divers and please help us build proper teams in water sports."

This has happened after one major international event - 12 Thai boys and their coach were saved by expert divers from a cave that was flooded.

"We need divers," the SAI head told the BMC commissioner, "Yaar, so next time, when there is an international incident like this, and people need to be rescued, we can also offer trained divers. Just think, like Hima Das won India's first ever track gold, we'll have Indian divers saving foreign people's lives for the first time."

"Yes, sir," the BMC head said, "it'll also help when Mumbai city is underwater, and people are drowning, or those who fall into open manholes, we can send these trained divers to save them."

"I need something in return," the BMC head said. "See, India has been low-key in the area of water sports, both in participation and hosting tournaments. My BMC is also very keen on organising the first-ever Underwater Swimming Competition (USC) in Mumbai, next monsoon."

The idea is that the first USC be held next monsoon.
The events will be as follows:
' 50 metre waist-high water walk
' 100 metre underwater swim (without snorkelling gear)
' 26 mile steeplechase - involves two events, swimming and long jump (over a two mile strip of potholes)
' Rowing

So, I hope you understand, dear reader, that all the suffering you're going through is a small sacrifice to pay for a higher cause (like demonestisation had a bigger goal, to flush out black money). So, you cannot think of only yourself in these times. Okay?

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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