Rahul da Cunha: IPL & Me

Illustration/Uday Mohite

So I'm an IPL beast. Nothing will stop me from watching matches well into the night. Five weeks of sleep deprivation, staggering into work, nothing phases me. My European Football League and post-Arsene Wenger Arsenal pals disdainfully look at me with, "How can you still watch that rigged circus?" My test cricket chaddi buddies, sneeringly say, "Hah, T20 that's not the real thing."

It is for me, okay, guys… I mean where would you find such things, such gems… Let's take it from the top, dear reader -

1. Like, TV anchor Mayanti Langer's attire on Kent Cricket Live - each outfit is a sight to behold, a Wonder of the World, her costume designer, understandably, stays anonymous. I'll just take last Wednesday, where she was dressed like Scarlett Johansson in The Avengers, in red velvet… a red velvet cake from Monginis.

2. Like, where is the Blue Bench that Nita Ambani and son sat on in front of the Mumbai Indians dug out? The bench that looked straight out of a Rin commercial. In fact, where is the family? I'm thinking, the Ambanis are known for 'Jio'.

But the Mumbai Indians are seriously 'Haaro-ing' at the moment! Rohit has been packed off with Pollard and Hardik to make 5,000 blue benches as hard labour for their poor performance.

3. Like, there's my favourite owner of a franchise - Preity Zinta, of Kings X1 Punjab, in stark contrast to Nita Ambani, her dimples charm you, whether she's losing or winning, except sometimes she herself is not sure, if she's winning or losing. For example. her star batsman Yuvraj Singh could be bowled, she would scream with delight, till Ness Wadia would have to whisper to her, "He's in our team, Preity."

4. Like, where else will you get a chance to watch our cricketers dance in unison, and, more importantly, talk in unison. In ad after ad, Bhuvneshwar Kumar and Jasprit Bumrah look more terrified of remembering their lines, than if they were being hit for sixers.

5. Like, there's always that one annoying IPL touch - for me this year it's the Vivo ads with Aamir Khan shooting his dog and cat on his phone camera. I'd like to ask the Vivo marketing team, as the title sponsor, you have the opportunity to air 2,000-odd television spots, over five weeks, and all you want is to show the cine star endlessly shooting his pets from various angles? Not a waste of dosh? The creation of possible annoyance on our part?

6. Like, I'll admit I'm a bit jealous of Chris Gayle, known as Universe Boss. Tattooed, muscular, hits sixes like a genie, dances his calypso, was first not picked at the auction - he's now the toast of the tournament, a true Gayle-storm. 7. Like, finally, there's Chennai Super Kings, led by my favourite all time Indian player - Mahi. Okay, I'm not a fan of men wearing bright yellow but that's another issue. But, year after year, the man gets written off, and keeps coming back stronger. That's MSD. Magician Singh Dhoni.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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