Rahul da Cunha: Hey Bro

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Illustration/Uday Mohite

So, I use the word 'bro' a lot. Bro transcends language. It's beyond Hindi or English. "Hey bro, chill" is the same as 'Hey bro, tension mat le' in the city. See 'bro' is not the same as 'brother', even though it is the abbreviation - brother is a very 'senti' word in a place like Mumbai. Say you scratch a guy's car as you both try and squeeze into the one lane that Linking Road has become. Usually all is forgiven when you say, "Sorry brother". It has rakhi-tying, 'mera pas ma hai' connotations.

Bro on the other hand is cool, bro is civil without pulling at heart strings, bro is buddyhood with no strings attached. Bro is not that 'brother from another mother' thing. Bro cuts the edge without that nonsense phrase, bromance. Bro is brother with no filial baggage. Bro is also different from bhai.

Bhai is a little darker and shadier than bro, except if you add 'saab' to it. Then of course there's 'bhau', an effective word to use, in aamchi Mumbai, when you jump a light or fail a breathalyzer test. "Hey bhau, mala maaph kara."

If only Shri Phadnavis had just said to Shri Thackeray, 'Hey bro...wanna BMC together?", we wouldn't have this neck and neck, hung situation, where nothing may move in Mantralaya.

Take other bro situations in India like Uttar Pradesh politics. The BJP may lose India's largest state because of two 'bros' - Akhilesh and Rahul. Identical bros. They're dressing the same way. They seem to do things in unison… total homies, sort of like Thomson & Thomson in Tintin comics.

And, the way they communicate:
"Hey AkhiYa, what's the scene bro?"

"Sup yo, RaGa, nothing much, made some digs at the two BJP bros… via the Big B… about donkeys…yo."

(Rumour has it that AmSh once said, "hey bro'' to NaMo, who retorted with, 'I have only two bros, Barackbhai, now Donaldbhai.")

On another note, I've wondered what the female equivalent of bro is. I mean, sis just doesn't cut it, right? Just take UP politics from the female angle. Can you imagine, Priyanka Gandhi telling Mayawati - 'Hey sis, what's the plan for this evening, wanna party, David Guetta playing live in Lucknow."

To which Mayawati will say, 'No madam, I already have a party plan. It is called BSP, Bahujan Samaj Party.'

Like, you want to tell Pahlaj Nihalani, 'Bro…you were lucky not to been turfed out post Udta Punjab. But to disallow Lipstick under my Burqua… You need help, bro.'

Like, I want to say to Warren Beatty, 'Bro… you're close to 107 years old… maybe it's time for some spectacles.'

Like, I want to tell Viru Sehwag, 'Bro, you were a great batsman, and your tweets are generally wisecracky, but to enter into ABVP/Kargil victim's daughter territory…no bro…you have neither the intellect or the insight.'

And I want to tweet to the trolls who attacked Gurmehar Kaur, "Accha bros….". Actually stop, for them there's no bro. No brother or bhai. No bruh…or bhau or bruvver. They need to be addressed in other words that begin with 'b'. You decide, dear reader.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com