PMs and prospectives

It's almost time to elect a government again. Time to cast our votes for those who would be running our lives and stealing our taxes for the next couple of years - if ballooning egos and power plays don't bring the rulers down before.u00a0

This election has thrown up rather strange candidates for PM. Nowhere else in the world would such misfits to power ever emerge unless it's in Kirghiztan or The Ascuncion Islands or some such insignificant speck on the map.u00a0

There are the boring Karats and the doddering Left, the vociferous saffron brigade and the regional satraps. But my favourite choices among the front-runners have to include:

Puraitchi Thalaivi Selvi Jayalalitha Jayaram: My days in Madras have long gone. But my awe for her still hasn't diminishedu00a0it's tough to do so, when you're confronted on every corner by huge cutouts of the Dravidian Diva dressed in trademark shiny sari and matching cape. Rumour has it that they (the cutouts) are purportedly bigger than life size a tough order when you'reu00a0 XXXXL in actuality. They say, the new Prime Minister will have a fortified special plane to fly in. Thankfully so - to carry her and her ego along, the aircraft definitely can't be mite-sized.u00a0

Mayawati: Pan across India, and to the other femme fatale of regional Indian politics. While JJ may have cutouts that belie her Kollywood connections, Maya Memsaheb prefers her odes to immortality in solid stone.

While the first has mega weddings for adopted stepsons, Madame M throws lavish bashes for her birthday. With her sixty kg cakes and her diamond necklaces, this is one lady who can match it undercut to undercut with Jayalalitha - if it ever got to be a cat fight on the race to well, Race Course Road.u00a0 In this time of recession, sculptors, bakers and jewellers are guaranteed full time employment - and the paparazzi oodles of front page stories.u00a0

Laloo Prasad Yadav: He took Bihar from being a cow belt state to where even cows were ashamed to tread. But then he's supposed to have single handedly turned the Railways around you never know how much is propaganda and how much was actually pushed through by the bureaucrats but if this man becomes Prime Minister, he is bound to move into Race Course Road with his bori bistar, wife Rabdi, daughters Jalebi and Jalfrezi, sons named ummm, my imagination fails me in what his sons could be called and his entire herd of buffalos. When this man moves into the PM gaddi, chances are we could have state photographs of a visiting Obama smiling bemusedly with mulching bovines.u00a0u00a0

Last week, I wanted to move to Goa to escape Karnataka's draconian laws. Scanning the PM prospects, I just want to move out of the country, period. Hmmmm...Monster.com had a job offer for a barman in the Caribbean....