With city's streets far from rain ready, should we just stay home this monsoon?

The BMC has claimed to be monsoon-ready this year, but it's highly unlikely that the city roads will be pothole-free. File Pic

I like waiting for the BMC to issue proclamations of all kinds based on whatever mystical tests it uses instead of science. It will tell us when the rains are expected, for instance, then promptly issue a new date 24 hours before the original one, citing fresh new information that has probably been sent to its meteorologists via WhatsApp. It will talk about how much water will be collected in our lakes and rivers, then revise that figure every three weeks depending on what percentage of water cuts it can announce for free publicity. I suspect a lot of BMC employees spend their days simply dreaming up new statements to issue, because doing this is a lot easier than completing any actual work.

The good news is, it claims to be monsoon-ready this year. Yes, it claimed to be monsoon-ready last year, too, and the year before, and the decade before, but why should that stop it from issuing a new press release about how it is definitely monsoon-ready this year? If it doesn't issue these statements, how is it supposed to justify the thousands of crores that are poured into our streets and mysteriously vanish before touching the asphalt?

This year's statement says that only 522 roads continue to remain dug up in the city. This presumably does not include the street outside your home or mine, or any street you pass over the next week, because finding a street that isn't dug up in Mumbai is almost like finding proof that our ministers have actually been to school. Apparently, completing road repair and renovation work in the city is definitely the target, which isn't surprising because it has been the target since man first set foot on the Moon. I assume this doesn't include the roads that have been torn apart for the Metro, of course, because the chances of them being smooth and pothole-free in your lifetime or mine are a billion to one.

The Andheri-SEEPZ line of the Metro runs just outside Andheri station towards Versova. The street it tore up and demolished over a decade ago has yet to recover. It has turned into an unofficial market, with commuters now long used to the idea of going around in a wide circle in order to hit SV Road. One can't help, but use that as a benchmark when thinking about what the city will look like when the current Metro projects are finally complete, a century from now.

Our civic body - I use those words loosely, of course - has reportedly prepared a plan of completing work on 1,106 roads in several categories during the financial year 2018-19, with roads classifieds into categories of project roads, priority 2 and priority 3 roads. This must have taken them a few months, because everyone knows how important the task of naming plans or renaming roads is, and how these discussions can go on late into the afternoon. Project roads are easy to spot because they exist in various states of disrepair all around us, but it's hard to figure out the difference between priority 2 and priority 3 roads. In a city that is home to millions of commuters an hour, one would assume all roads are a priority, but that is clearly not the case.

Project roads are also supposed to undergo complete reconstruction, which is BMC-speak for 'we are going to tear them down and start again, and use your taxes to do it a few more times'. The statement didn't just talk about the future though; it also claimed that work on 879 roads was completed by the end of April. Chew on that when you dislocate your shoulder in a rickshaw on your next trip.

I'm pretty sure the fault lies with us. We are the ones who prevent the BMC from focusing on more important things like memorial plaques and compel it to waste valuable time and money on insignificant issues like pothole-free, monsoon-ready roads. If you care about your city and respect the BMC, you should do the right thing and avoid the roads. Work online instead of at an office, chat with friends and relatives via video calls, and educate your children with the help of YouTube videos. Don't use roads until the pesky monsoons are over. Stay at home instead.

When he isn't ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com

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