Meenakshi Shedde: Suing your parents

Lebanese director Nadine Labaki won the Jury Prize at the Cannes Film Festival for her film Capernaum (Capharnaum). The film is about Zain, a 12-year-old Beirut street urchin, who sues his parents "because they gave me life." Zain's family is dirt-poor; his parents practically sell his younger sister Samar in marriage to their landlord's creepy son. Zain flees his family, and soon lands in prison, from where he sues his parents. If children sued their parents in India, the courts would have at least 2,000 times the cases they have now. Vice versa must also be true.

Anyone can be a parent, that doesn't mean anyone should, to rephrase Remy's famous line from the film Ratatouille. I've always felt parenting is one of the most important jobs on the planet, with zero qualifications and zero accountability. One minute of pleasure, and boom, you have a life-long parental responsibility for an offspring - but if you don't give a damn, that's fine.

Parents in India have always been parked on a pedestal slightly higher than God's, and wallow in a can't-do-wrong zone. India's streets are full of urchins and beggars whose parents have abandoned them or failed to give them the nurturing parenting every child deserves. Only some are due to circumstance; many are from lack of parenting skills or responsibility. Many poor Indian parents have children, so the children can earn, and later become old age pensions. And a shaadi, of course, is India's favourite Hajmola for all life's troubles. The groom can't get a job? He's mentally unstable? You're afraid your daughter will get raped? "Bas, shaadi karwa do, sab theek ho jayega."

Yet, I have never heard of a single parent being prosecuted or jailed for destroying their children's lives thus. And Indian parents rarely take responsibility for their mistakes. If the daughter is thrashed by a drunken husband, or has acid thrown on her face, the parents' template answer often is: "Now you are married, your future is only with your husband." Only a few challenge fate. The Catholic Church in India offers a marvellous service: compulsory marriage counselling for couples wanting to marry.

I have been teaching English and Life Skills to underprivileged teenagers at the Patuck Junior College since three years. When I had a session on marriage, the majority said they would marry "because our parents want us to." We discussed why they want to marry, at what age they should marry, what it costs to marry; if it's better to have a modest wedding and instead invest in their married life, including a rented home, furniture, cooking gas, grocery bills. I was very pleased that by the end of the session, one calculated that he could afford to marry only at 26; another said he would have a registered wedding costing maximum Rs 2,000, and a third said she never wanted to marry, as her sister had been tortured by her husband. Hopefully, if any of them have children, the kids won't sue them.

Meenakshi Shedde is South Asia Consultant to the Berlin Film Festival, award-winning critic, curator to festivals worldwide and journalist. Reach her at meenakshishedde@gmail.com.

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