Main alag hoon

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dekho sir, main different hoon. I am not like the others, bilkul alag. Mujhe explain karne do… see, I did not start any riot. Main peace loving hoon, family ke saath picture dektha hoon…yeh serious, rona-dhona Thappad type nahin. Bhai hamara -bhai- hai... action!

Humein instructions milta hai... such and such neighbourhood jaana hai, such and such kaum ko target karna nai. So, I go with, what you call Angrezi mein... haan I go with the -mob- to those areas. They tell us ki job kya hai, agar maarna hai ya aag lagana hai.

See, mera kuch dushmani nahin hai, un logon se. Differences zaroon hai, khana pakane mein…prayers mein…kapde mein…bhasha mein, but Bharat, ek democracy hai, all are equal.

-Arrest me-, matlab? Mera kasuur kya hai? See understand, kya kehthe hai Angrezi mein, mera ek-do strict -conditions- hai. Main sirf raat mein kaam karta hoon. It is like since beginning, hamara full family ka rule hai, agar din mein tod-phod karna hai, toh hum kaam nahin karega, we will not do. Agar murder karna hai, toh I will only do at night. I kill only persons who is sleeping. Main straight bolta hoon.

Mera family ka second rule, mein bacche pe haath nahin lagaoonga. No childrens, no baby will be touched. Sirf adults, 18 ke upar.

Most of these mob people, they do not have a heart, bilkul dil nahin hai. They shout religious prayers and then kill. How you can do that? It is, kya kehthe Angrezi mein? It is -double standard-. How you can recite God-s name and also do this violence? In so many homes I have saved people. We go to mohalla, house to house, the mothers will beg us, they will say, "Mujhe jalao…mera ghar ko jalao, but mera bachcha ko bachao." So I will take the baby and place him or her outside, and then pour the kerosene. How many babies, I have only taken to the orphanages. Main khud liya hai, apne haathon se.

Aap kyon garam ho raha hai? See aaram se bolo. Yeh mera choice nahin hai. Yeh hamara family business hai. Kya kehthe Angrezi mein…it is handed down from generation to generation. Mera grandfather, 1970s mein company start kiya. Do cities mein hamara branches hai, Mumbai aur Dilli. Hamara biggest job tha 1984 mein… woh saal, bijness bahuth tez tha…pehle May mahine mein yahan Mumbai mein, Bhiwandi riots tha, aur October mein, Hindu-Sikh riots Dilli mein. Mera daddy bola, bahuth mazaa aaya… Main toh baccha tha, mera daddy, CEO tha company ka.

Mera do bacche hai, dono ladka, both do not want to get into the family bijness.

Bada ladka kuch global warming ke baare mein bahuth, kya kehthe hai Angrezi mein, -obsessed- hai. Younger one school mein hai.

Mujhe retire karna hai, do saal ke baad - abhi bijness ka opportunity bahuth hai, acche din aa gaye.

Apna time aa gaya.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul. dacunha@mid-day.com

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