How to

Hi Sandhya,
I'm a 32 year-old man, about to get married. My mother passed away a few years ago, and since then, my dad and I have been living together and have been pretty close.



My problem is that although I love my dad and understand his reasons for wanting to stay with me, I'm in a bit of a fix because my wife-to-be has a valid viewpoint: that we should start our married lives separately, and that it's unfair to expect that my parents need to be taken care of and hers don't.

The wedding is slated for next month, and I seriously don't know what to do. Although my dad hasn't really said anything, I know he expects it and I don't want to let down either of them. Please advise.

Thanks, Angsty M

Dear M,
The way I see it, there really is no problem here. It is your duty to look after your father first, whatever anybody else might think or feel. You owe the most love and respect to your parents who have looked after you and nurtured you for all these years. How can you even let anybody cloud your judgment and think otherwise?

Especially since your mother passed away and he is alone and needs your support now, you cannot and must not isolate him. You might end up regretting it, and might even end up resenting your wife for it later. Besides you say you share a good relationship with him. So where's the problem? This is your call, not hers to take.

I do not understand the issue about her parents since you haven't given me much to go by. But irrespective of that, your dad is alone and you are close to him and he needs you! Do what is right here and tell your wife to learn to adjust, and try and see how it goes.

She may even be grateful in the future for having him in the house. I assume there will be kids in the future, and all kids love grandparents. They are special people. Take a call with love, be firm, and you'll be fine.

Love, Sandhya