CoVid operations

Illustration/Uday Mohite

And, from a darkened corner of the Cathedral of San Pietro, CoronVittorio 11, made a phone call. CoronVittorio 11, the Italian strain of the Coronavirus, from the city of Venetia, had a plan.

His phone call was to CarlosValdez, the head of the Spanish chapter of the CoVid 19.

"Buena sera, Senor CarlosValdez, I hava calleda youa, to demanda that youa conceda defeata to mea, the votesa are in, Europea hasa voted for mea ova youa, I am da heada of the CoVid 19 - Europa 2020 - that's the CoronaVirus - European Chapter. Capeesh?"

"Bueno, si, whatever", replied CarlosValdez, I'm happy to hand over the reins to you, I wish you the best of luck. Destroy, destroy, destroy."

In another part of the world, Sheikh KorunVaishShirazi the 19th, the Iranian CoVid chief, made phone calls to all his allies from Iraq, Kuwait and Bahrain, seeking that they support him or there would be consequences.

And finally, ChangVinUn, the world-wide head of all viruses, who oversaw the spread of Coronavirus, SARS snd MERS made a phone call to North Koreas's Kim Jung Un and
said, "You may have the N-bomb, we have the V bomb, so please make yourself scarce."

That evening, CoronVittorio, Shaikh KorunVaish Shirazi and Chang VinUn, met in a secret place in Beijing to discuss strategies.

ChangVinUn's eyes narrowed, "Genelmen, my target is crear, there is one counly that I wish to desloy, they should be reduced to flied lice, and that is India…evely one should be infected with our Corona vilus by June 2020."

His Iranian No 2, said, "Mashallah, that is a very noble plan and acceptable to me, we used to be friends of the Republic of India, but after the recent Delhi riots, we feel differently. But sir, if you would permit me, do you not feel that they have destroyed themselves. Imploded, so to speak…the virus is already inside the system?"

ChangVinUn's eyes narrowed down to a Danny Dengzonpa evil slit. "But genelmen, there is one man that I fear, he is the Iron Man of India, he will stand up to us, he will beat us at our own game."

"Who is this Great One that you fear, this Iron man…," the Iranian enquired.

The Italian jumped up. "I forget the Irona Mana's name, but I read about him, on-line, he is a Gujarati person by communitya."

"Mr Vittorio, there is only one Ilon Man, from India, who is also a Gujalati, and his name is Amit Shah."

"No no, by Irona Mana, I meana he pumpsa de irona and his name is some kinda of a giant cat..," CoronVittorio said.

"Is it a uhm Lion…or…uh, Panther… …puma…any of these, Senor Vittorio?"

The Iranian virus, piped up, "Ahh mashallah, I know of who you speak, he is an infidel, you are correct indeed, he pumps iron, and he can kill more people with one kick than we can with our virus, and he's coming after us..."

ChangVinUn went onto Google.

"Aaah, I got it, genelmen, his name is Tiger Shloff."

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

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