Rosalyn D'Mello: Ladies, it's time to say 'No More'

A man helps a woman escape the unruly crowds while the police struggle to put an end to the mass molestation of women on New Year's Eve in Bengaluru. Pic/AFP

When I awoke this morning I had this memory of a dream where I'm walking through an alley at night. A man approaches and presses himself against me without my consent. When I try to shove him off, he overpowers me, drags me towards a friend of his seated casually on a scooter, who joins in the molestation. Then I'm cast off to the ground as the duo takes off, feeling neither remorse nor responsibility. When consciousness kicked in, I realised this fragment from my dream was in fact my memory of someone else's reality. It was essentially the footage I'd seen the night before sourced from a CCTV camera from a suburb in Bengaluru, depicting a woman being molested; a horrific scene, one of many that have been emerging from the IT hub in the aftermath of a traumatic New Year's Eve, when women were openly molested by men who felt neither shame nor embarrassment in behaving like the monsters from every woman's nightmare.

Last evening, because I had to satisfy my Fitbit's appetite for 10,000 steps, I set off around 8.30 pm to the park within my colony in Delhi for a brisk walk. At first I was a bit apprehensive since the track was dimly lit, but I felt reassured when I spotted at least three women like me, who were also either walking or running.

I counted my steps and soon gained momentum. As I was about to pace ahead of each of the two women, I noticed a gesture they both made. They had been paying attention to the shadows on the ground, which signalled an approaching human being, and so, when I was about 50 metres away, they turned back ever so slightly to see who I was. When they recognised the form of a woman, they felt reassured and continued exercising. I realised I do the exact same thing when I'm in the park on my own or am walking through a street late at night. It's almost unconscious, this habit of constantly watching my back, ensuring I am prepared to deal with whatever situation pops up at me.

Most men are unable to fathom the rage women feel when they either experience casual violence first hand or hear reports of it. The violation gets transmitted almost, from one member of the female species to the other. Most men get too busy defending either themselves or the perpetrators, making excuses for them, or inventing ridiculous hashtags like #Notallmen to undermine the trauma that women are forced to experience almost daily. Some men, especially those of the ministerial variety, are most prone to absurdity in times like these. They believe it is their job to pin the blame on everything irrational, from Western culture to women themselves or Chinese Chopsuey.

However, the real reason behind the continuing attack against women in every part of India is known to all: an overwhelmingly patriarchal society that places very little value on a woman's right to dignity and self; a misogynist culture that treats girls and women like property without agency or authority. The fearlessness with which women are attacked in India must be unparalleled. There is no threat of punishment, only a sense of entitlement; the consequence of what many have begun to term as toxic masculinity.

As women, we must continue to resist. We must not allow our bodies to be cajoled into submissiveness by the threat of violence. The fault lies in the absence of dialogue between genders, in the gaping divide between them, and the insecurities of men who believe the only way to prove their masculinity is by being abusive, by impinging upon the rights of women. No more, is what we must start to say. No more telling women that we aren't suitably dressed. No more telling women that we must control our aggression or risk becoming a victim of an acid throw. No more telling women that the streets do not belong to us. No more telling women that we must sacrifice our hopes and dreams at the altar of motherhood. No more telling men that we could be their sisters or mothers or daughters. No more pleading to sensibilities. It is time for us to come together and take a stand. To collectively decide that enough is enough, and that there will be no going back. We must demand apologies, we must demand resignations. If the police cannot do their job of keeping civilians safe, they must have no authority to tell us to stay at home instead.

As women, we are citizens too. And tax-paying citizens to boot. We must make ourselves more visible. We must claim the streets. We must make perpetrators accountable to the law. No one will deliver us our rights to our doorstep. We must seize them for ourselves.

Deliberating on the life and times of Everywoman, Rosalyn D'Mello is a reputable art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover. She tweets @RosaParx. Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com