Mumbai: People share their scary stories about stalkers

Supriya Kurhade, 33, a resident of Thane, was stalked for five years on Facebook. She reported the man last month after he sent her a message asking for an in-person meeting. In 2021, a total of 9,285 cases of stalking were recorded in the country, and Maharashtra topped the list with 2,131 cases. Pic/Sameer Markande

He stalked me for nine years," Shivangi Shankar tells us. "It began in 2007 when I was 12 years old and ended when I had him arrested in 2016. He was in my music class in Patna, and came to my campus in Mysuru when I went to college. That's when I alerted the police. However, he was out on bail even before I could give my statement before the magistrate. I was hyper-vigilant for a long time after that, terrified that he would physically assault me because of the FIR."

The case continues even today. Shankar trudges all the way to Mysuru from either Delhi (where she studies Public Health), or from her home in Ranchi, for court hearings. Her stalker has not ever bothered to show up in court.

The unwelcome attention, understandably, shaped her entire teenage years. "I am not a wallflower, but I tried not to draw too much attention to myself. I kept all men at bay. Only a select few female friends had my phone number, and I carried a scalpel and pepper spray at all times."

Shivangi Shankar was stalked for nine years. The stalker even made it to her campus in Mysuru where she was pursuing MBBS, leaving her in constant, overwhelming fear about what could happen to her

Shankar is among the many people, mostly all women, who have had to strategise their daily existence due to someone's obsession. Recent data released by the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) shows that 9,285 cases of stalking were recorded in the country in 2021. That comes to 25 cases every day. Maharashtra topped the list with 2,131 cases a year.

If that doesn't raise an alarm, consider this: Three teens lost their lives in stalking-related incidents in the last week of August. A young man set fire to a 19-year-old in Jharkhand, another one shot dead a 16-year-old in South Delhi, and in Mumbai, Santosh Makwana and an accomplice stabbed 15-year-old Vanshika Rathod repeatedly and dumped the body in Naigaon.

mid-day reported that Vanshika's mother, Bhavna, had caught Makwana stalking her daughter for days, and threatened to file a police complaint. She stopped when he apologised, and said it would ruin his career. Even if Bhavna did go to the police, safety would not be assured: Stalking comes under Section 354D (following or contacting a woman despite clear indication of her disinterest) of the Indian Penal Code, which is a bailable offence in the first instance, as Shankar found out in 2016.

Just last month, Supriya Kurhade reported a stalker. "I am a news anchor and started freelancing a couple of years ago," says the 33-year-old Thane resident. "A man reached out to me on Facebook requesting help to navigate the freelance world, and I was happy to do it. He started sending absurd messages, which I ignored for a while. But when he asked me for my phone number and requested we meet at Marine Drive as he'd like to kiss me, I filed a written complaint." He was arrested three days later in Hyderabad, and was brought to Thane. Turned out, he used to work at Kurhade's former organisation and had been stalking her online ever since she left the company five years ago.

Nirali Bhatia, Zirak Marker and Brijesh Singh

"When I saw him, he looked disturbed," says Kurhade, "And in his statement to the police, he said he was battling depression, and had messaged me under the influence of drugs." Kurhade decided not to file an FIR.

So what drives a person to obsession?

Additional Director General of Police Brijesh Singh says there are various kinds of stalkers. "Some are underdeveloped people who lack the interpersonal skills needed to form real and meaningful relationships," says the senior IPS officer. "Then there are predators looking at committing larger crimes. Others are intimacy seekers who believe stalking will bring them closer to the object of their obsession. People who have been rejected think they can get the person back by stalking; and resentful stalkers harbour animosity believing they were wronged." Singh also blames movies for normalising stalking, veiling it as ardour and love. "When they show the hero stalking the heroine, some people believe they can too, and form an intimate relationship with someone by stalking them."

Tools of modern technology, says the cyber crime expert, embolden such individuals. "Stalking is slightly difficult in the real world because of the fear of being identified and caught. Stalkers feel empowered by anonymity, multiple accounts and avatars in the online world."

Psychotherapist Nirali Bhatia agrees. "Sitting in the comfort of their home, they have a sense of power," says Bhatia, adding, "It is an obsession. They see their victims as an integral part of their lives, so much so that it blinds them to reality, pushing them beyond the fear of getting caught." Bhatia is a cyber psychologist; she specialises in studying how online life and interactions affect people. This increases understanding about how to help patients with Internet and computer-related psychological issues.

Bhatia relates a case: "A man met a woman at an event. Later, he found her on Facebook, and started badgering her with messages and commented on all her posts. When she didn't respond, he started calling her on Facebook. That's when she filed a complaint. When the perpetrator was questioned, he said, ‘She's accusing me of invading her privacy, but I just wanted a quick chat. When she didn't respond to my messages, I assumed she wasn't a text person, and that's why I called her'."

This, she says, is a classic example of how stalkers don't realise when they cross a boundary. This happens more in a virtual world. "In the real world, one may read the cue. But texting confuses some people."

"Stalking comes from trauma," shares Dr Zirak Marker, a child, adolescent, and family psychiatrist, adding that stalkers lack impulse control. "There is no denying the fact that victims feel extremely vulnerable, and that anxiety builds up and can also lead to depression. [But] stalkers too need help. They are drowning in the illusion that they are in ‘love' and the other person will love them back. They usually display huge social withdrawal and mood swings."

Statistically, though more men are stalkers than women, the activity is by no means gender-exclusive. Marker shares a case about a couple who decided to divorce after the wife found out that the man was still in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. "Then the wife started stalking him and his girlfriend," says Marker. "It became obsessive to the point of dysfunctionality. She is a lawyer and couldn't afford to make mistakes, but she was lost in her own world at court hearings and in discussions with colleagues." The husband and wife both came to him for help, which is a big step towards healing. "The ones who don't seek help are more perverse," he says, "[Then] It is more sexual or threatening." Marker believes that timely intervention and behaviour correction can help a stalker mend ways.

To help children discern acceptable behaviour, Marker has constructed a mental health curriculum for schools which covers stalking and abuse. About 25 schools in the city have adopted it.

Weighing in on the motives as a recipient, Shankar says, "It's because everyone is easy on them - be it law or society. Stalking has been so normalised; Once I was told that I should enjoy it while it lasts.

My batchmates would tease, ‘Oh! I didn't know you have followers'. People don't understand the gravity of the situation. They think it's fine ‘as long as he doesn't touch you.' I lived with constant, overwhelming fear about what could happen to me, but [it seems] he just got an award for not raping and killing me."