For this teacher, rites come before rights

Subiksha and Tina in a same-sex marriage on August 31, last year. Saurabh conducted the Devata puja

The Supreme Court, on Thursday, reserved its verdict on pleas seeking legal sanction for same-sex marriages. It will be some more time, (the courts break for summer in a couple of days till June) but there have been statements that have given the queer community plenty of heart. On Tuesday, the court had said marriage is a Constitutional right and not merely a statutory right.

Equal sequel

For some though, rites have come before rights. Saurabh Bondre, multilingual trainer and Sanskrit teacher, has conducted four queer weddings since 2015, and two heterosexual ones. He said, "I have studied the scriptures as part of my MA in Sanskrit. I am not a full-time priest/purohit. I know Sanskrit, I have read scriptures and know about the culture, so I am capable of officiating at weddings. Many from the queer community do know me as a Sanskrit scholar."

About the Supreme Court hearing, he said he was confident that the court will deliver "justice." The scholar added, "queer people are simply asking for recognition of their fundamental human rights. Granting recognition to same-sex marriage doesn't have a bearing on the status of heterosexual marriage. Rather, it is just expanding the gamut of the institution to make it more inclusive."

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Cementing love

The Thane resident, when asked about challenges of officiating at same sex-weddings, said, "Owing to various reasons, conventional professional purohits are unwilling to conduct queer weddings. In 2015, a gay couple wished to get married and they approached me. Since Indian scriptures do not prohibit same-sex relationships, I realised that by officiating at a queer wedding, I can help the couple strengthen their faith and mutual love. Since then, I have officiated at four queer weddings and I have also officiated at two heterosexual weddings."

Two brides

While gay marriages are discreet, and have very few people attending, Saurabh recalled officiating at a wedding of two girls, which took place on August 31, 2022, near Chennai and was a proper, conventional wedding. He said, "it was arranged by the parents and attended by grandparents, extended family, relatives and friends. It was a huge, full-fledged three-day celebration with all traditional rituals, including engagement, mehendi, sangeet, wedding and a grand reception. Except for two brides, the wedding was no different from a
heterosexual one."

Fear, feedback

Saurabh conceded that, at times, there is aprehension about negative feedback for officiating at these weddings. "There is also a slight fear that miscreants might barge into the weddings and disrupt them. Most of them are conducted in closed spaces like hotels or resorts and not open-air ones. A legal sanction will be instrumental in dispelling this fear besides, of course, the other ramifications of a green light to same-sex marriage."

In the end, though the teacher who certainly has lessons in bravery and equality for us stated, "they are not legal in the conventional sense, but queer weddings because of all the tough times couples face, have morehappiness, emotions and energy than a conventional wedding. It takes extreme courage and trust for a queer couple to enter into marriage and have a wedding ceremony, especially, when societal acceptance is lukewarm and legal recognition is absent. So, as soon as I recite mantras and the couple exchange garlands, it is an emotionally loaded moment, because it is like the unimaginable that has come true," signed off Saurabh, the 42-year-old man putting the 'wow' into weddings for man 'n' man and woman 'n' woman.