Exploring concealed realities of intimate partner violence in queer relationships

Conversations surrounding Intimate Partner Violence or IPV are often hush-hush and talk surrounding IPV among queer persons is far and few in between.

According to a 2016 study by the Humsafar Trust found 47 per cent of queer women and 29 per cent queer men reported to be experiencing IPV in their lifetime.

Presently, any form of violence's representation is largely that of a female victim and a male aggressor, says Ashish Srivastava, an IT professional from Mumbai who is a part of the queer community, when quizzed about intimate partner violence among queer couples.

Pearl Daruwalla, a queer activist and DEI specialist, adds, "Sadly, intimate partner violence is a solid reality, whether it's in straight or queer couples. And the major cause of that is patriarchy."

"The whole notion about who's a man, who's a woman in a relationship; who's supposed to be submissive, who's supposed to be the dominant partner," he says this thought pattern is one of the attributes of IPV among queer couples.

He also points out that IPV's manifestation is not always physical, especially, among queer individuals. "A lot of times it's also emotional, especially with queer women," he adds.

Srivastava, meanwhile, notes that violence in an intimate relationship could stem from inequality-both emotional and intellectual or even in terms of openness of their sexuality and gender identity.

What is Intimate Partner Violence?

Any behaviour that hurts a person's partner physically, psychologically, sexually or emotionally and financially in an intimate relationship, is referred to as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). IPV is a grave concern within relationships that affect persons irrespective of their gender identity and sexual orientation; however, within the queer community, individuals often encounter unique challenges due to societal stigma, discrimination and lack of understanding. Perpetrators could use one's sexual orientation or gender identity to manipulate, control or isolate them.

Forms of IPV

Physical abuse: This includes acts of physical harm such as hitting, punching, or physical restraint, which can occur irrespective of gender within a relationship.

Emotional abuse: Verbal threats, humiliation, or emotional manipulation can deeply impact the mental well-being of queer individuals.

Sexual abuse: Coercion or non-consensual sexual acts are forms of IPV that may occur within intimate relationships.

Financial abuse: Controlling finances or withholding resources can limit an individual's autonomy and independence.

Acceptance of queer relationships important

Harish Iyer, a queer activist based in Mumbai, points out, "Queer (persons') lives are generally clouded with layers of queerphobia, islamophobia, casteism, misogyny, etc. This affects familial dynamics. While for heterosexual couples, there is an intervention from family; he elaborates that it is not the case with queer persons.

"Many queer individuals face violence in their natal families due to their sexuality and gender identity. They leave that behind to make home with a person they love and when they face violence there as well, where should they go? Where do you go when you have no home," he questions.

Srivastava emphasises that people keep going back to their abusers [before they finally give up] and it's prevalent among queer individuals as well. He says it happens because love-bombing ensues the abuse clouding the survivors' judgement. "It almost gaslights them," he says.

"This happened with a couple I am acquainted with. Things were rough between them and abuse had played out. One had hit the other and soon after followed the barrage of apologies and the onus shifted from aggressor to the receiver of the abuse," he elucidates.

Speaking further he adds that in queer relationships, it is difficult for a person to speak about IPV since a person may have not come out of the closet.

Daruwalla, echoing similar thoughts, opines that many are afraid to go and report cases of IPV for they are scared of police outing them. They are scared to visit community-based organisations as well since they have a fear of being outed to family or relatives who do not know about their gender or sexual identity.

"We don't understand the reality when someone comes and tells us about the intimate partner violence they are facing; our first reaction to it is: what have you done? Especially, if it's a queer woman or a trans woman who comes to you saying that," she adds.

Do queers have legal recourse?

Iyer adds that for queer individuals facing intimate partner violence, there is no legal recourse they can opt for. The activist says that intimate partner violence is "not seen or understood in terms of queer persons". He says that a fight between a queer couple will be viewed as an ordinary fight between two individuals and the nuance to handle IPV cases involving individuals from the community is lacking.

He adds that although sexual violence among queer persons could be dealt with under Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, it's a route not many take because 'tis ridiculed by the public and law enforcement personnel. "I have witnessed this in other cities where complaints by queer persons are not taken seriously. And the number of persons who report violence is less too," he said adding that the Mumbai Police, relatively, takes complaints of violence, including sexual violence, seriously.

He adds that there is no legal recourse, except for relying on friends and chosen family.

How can we support queer persons?

Pearl, when quizzed about how queer persons facing IPV can be supported, says it is crucial to listen to the aggrieved persons and understand what kind of help they need instead of imposing generic solutions. He says that even while connecting the survivors with healthcare professionals, it is crucial to check if they are queer-affirmative and can provide the necessary care.

"Understanding confidentiality, being empathetic with them, providing them with the resources that they need to move ahead and to seek justice is what we need to impart in each other," Daruwalla adds.

Concurrently, Harish Iyer says that queer persons, who have experienced IPV, are first counselled. He says there are resource persons (like him) and organisations like Naz Foundation and Humsafar Trust, that offer help to queer persons.

"On some occasions, my mother has opened the doors of her home and heart for queer persons who have nowhere to go, but it is not sustainable in the long term. There is a need for sustainable housing and work opportunities. There are not enough state-run safe and sustainable homes for queer individuals. The state's Garima Gruha project is a good initiative but severely underfunded. State homes can offer shelter to queer persons and they can be given part-time work. The government has to step in," he stresses.

Pearl further adds that the government's involvement in recognising and accommodating varied gender identities and sexualities is critical. "It starts with acknowledging that the spectrum extends beyond the old binary classifications of male and female, which are still used in many legislations today," the activist adds.

Daruwalla elucidates, "The legal penalties for sexual assault are a stark example: while the penalty for a cisgender woman being raped ranges from 10 years to life in prison, the Trans Protection Rights Bill mandates a significantly lower penalty of six months to two years for a trans individual facing similar circumstances."

Such differences highlight the need for a better governmental response. Initiatives incorporating safer places, more career possibilities, and the normalisation of conversations about LGBTQIA+ relationships and interpersonal abuse are critical first steps.

The state should establish dedicated grievance cells managed by members of the queer community; it could considerably improve support networks and societal understanding, she adds.