EXCLUSIVE: ‘Indians opening up to non-monogamous life,' Paul Keable

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Indians got to know about Ashley Madison when the Netflix documentary ‘Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies & Scandal' released in May. It dives deep into the data breach the site was subject to, and the subsequent public release of personal information of millions of users. The site itself - named after two of the most popular female names in America by its founder Darren J Morgenstern in 2002 - is a "married dating" platform that goes by the tagline: ‘Life is short. Have an affair.'

On July 15, 2015, hackers stole important customer data - emails, names, home addresses, sexual fantasies, and credit card information - and threatened to post the data online if Ashley Madison was not permanently closed. On August 18, all the data was posted online.

Paul Keable, chief strategy officer, Ashley Madison

It was supposed to be the end of Ashley Madison.

But after a rebranding and a new CEO, in 2024, Ashley Madison has almost 85 million users worldwide, up from 35 million in 2015.

Now, as it gets ready to expand its operations in India, and revs up to woo Indians into "modern monogamy", mid-day got an exclusive interview with Paul Keable, the Chief Strategy Officer for Ashley Madison. Keable currently oversees the brand marketing and communications division of the business, and as he told us, "infidelity is the same world over".

Excerpts from the interview…

Why India?
We have spent the last few years working on, and rebuilding, the brand and the organisation to deliver on our members' expectations. In a country like India, in terms of its scale and unique culture, to do well here means we had to have a solid foundation. To return to India and really be a successful brand, we had to do the work. We have done that work. Even though we haven't been actively marketing here, it ranks up as number 8 in total signups in 2024. That's purely on word of mouth. That's interesting data, as we have no marketing presence in the country, but the resonance of the brand is so strong. By this time next year, it will be in the top 3.

India ranks 8th in total Ashley Madison sign-ups. Representation pic

India is a traditional country - and so most people are quiet about their "affairs". What kind of research did you do that made you think - yes, there is a need, or desire, or want for something like that?
There are a number of data points that led us to believe that India was a great opportunity for us, and culturally a chance for us to open the conversation about modern monogamy. When I looked at the overall ages for members in India - they are very young. The average male age is 28 and average female age is 29, which tracks because Indians get married earlier compared to western countries. In the West, the average female age is the late 30s and average male age is early 40s. But there has been an overall increase in our GenZ memberships. So we are optimistic about our growth. We are truly one of the largest dating apps in the world - Tinder, Bumble will be challenged in India, as India has a very different relationship dynamic than the West. Whereas infidelity is the same the world over - race, religion, economic status - it's the same. And at the end of the day, it's about the discretion we offer. That's our primary offering. While Indians may be opening up to non-monogamous ways of life, they still covet discretion. And we offer that, particularly for women, who may think this is not a path for them. We have done some academic research - which talks of why women cheat - and we feel women in India will want to explore this. Eighty per cent of women on AM - according to an independent study done by the University of Missouri - were in sexless or orgasmless marriages and they didn't want to leave their husbands. They were in love, and they wanted to maintain that relationship, but they didn't want to compromise. And that's what Ashley Madison can do in India - fulfil that need.

We all have watched, or at least know, about the documentary that spoke about the data breach. In the face of that, how are you promising complete privacy and security?
That's the work we have done to rebuild the stress. We once had a team that was in charge of security - a chief information security officer, a chief privacy officer now - but, it's the responsibility of every single person at Ashley Madison to look at the privacy and security of every single thing we do. Every time we develop a new feature or product - we always ask - how does this discuss privacy and security? It's a Sisyphean task - it's never done. Every single day, we keep working on it. Think about this… this is how we know we have done the job and we continue to do the job. In 2015, we had about 33 million members; we now have 85 million members. We will probably reach 100 million by the end of the year. If we weren't delivering on our promise, we would have not had this rebirth. They all said, it was the end of us - we could never come back. And almost 10 years later, here, I am saying, we are the number 1 brand in married dating. We don't take that for granted - it's about technology - but it's also about priority. It's the number 1 priority.

What would your elevator pitch to be a middle-aged traditional Indian man or woman?
(Laughs) My job isn't to tell you to have an affair! It exists because monogamy is hard - to think that one person can be your best lover, partner, financial co-partner, co-parent, and live with you day in and day out - to be that singular resource is a huge burden. We live in a world where relationships change during a period of time. We work with a therapist called Dr Tammy Nelson - and she believes in a monogamy contract. Every five years, you renegotiate a monogamy contract. While everyone stands at the altar and promises fidelity - we don't really know what it means. If I sleep with someone else, yes that's infidelity. But what if I have dinner with someone, what if I watch porn, or go to a strip club? Are those activities considered cheating? People don't talk about that. We are essentially the largest marriage counselling service. This has been happening for a long time. I don't need an elevator pitch - I need a product that delivers on expectations.

So what kind of relationships happen on AM - flings, long-term?
This is the interesting part of infidelity - there is no typical affair. You may have a need that's very short-term - a week, weekend, or a month. We have had people who have had affairs for a decade. I have also seen people who have married the person they met on AM. One couple has been married for 20 years and they met on AM! So there is a lot happening and I think people make judgments without really understanding the space.

85 mn
No. of Ashley Madison users worldwide

Top Indian cities by sign-ups

. Bengaluru
. Mumbai
. Pune
. Thane
. Hyderabad
. Central Delhi
. Chennai
. Kolkata
. South West Delhi
. Gurgaon