23 June,2024 09:04 AM IST | Mumbai | Devashish Kamble
The viral video shows parents of a UPSC aspirant breaking down outside an examination centre in Gurugram after their daughter was disallowed from attempting the exam for arriving late. Pic Courtesy/Tej Tyagi on X; (right) Open communication with your child leading up to the exam can help set achievable expectations
If you've ever braved Mumbai's bumper-to-bumper traffic, chances are you're used to being in the company of national exam toppers beaming at you from ads plastered on buses across the city. While these coaching institutes might prepare students for their big day, another group often remains underprepared and undertrained - their parents. After a viral video of a parent having a breakdown at an examination centre in Gurugram exposed the repercussions of ignoring this stress, we reached out to a parenting coach and a NEET counsellor to suggest a handy guidebook for parents who are dealing with similar situations.
Dr Meghna Singhal, parenting coach and PhD in clinical psychology, NIMHANS, Bengaluru, believes parents must begin by giving themselves a reality check. "I often notice how parents are out of touch with how intense competitive exams have got since they last attempted one. I recommend they sit down with their child and have open communication. The child can explain the nature and scale of competition and his/her mental calibre to deal with it, while the parents can open up about their expectations. A middle-ground must be reached which ensures a smooth sailing towards the big day," she explains.
With the idea of competitive exams being the biggest test of one's life being pushed unhealthily all around us, can one really place the blame on parents for adopting the belief? Gaurav Tyagi, NEET counselor and founder, Career Xpert, lets us in on his observations. "Having counselled more than 10,000 students each year, I can assure you that the do-or-die nature of these exams is nothing but manufactured hype. Parents are made to believe that their child's future depends solely on passing a test. This is not how things are at all. Exams like NEET and JEE are useful tools, but I have witnessed many students take different paths and succeed in their own fields," Tyagi points out.
Singhal underlines the importance of shielding your child from your own stress in testing times. The first step, she tells us, is to recognise your own anxieties and fears and nip them in the bud. "Don't shy away from seeking professional help if you notice underlying issues that are dictating your approach to your child's academics," she suggests, adding, "Do not react to instant stressors at once. Give it time. Head out for a walk, practise yoga, or engage in shared hobbies with your child, and revisit the stressor with a new perspective. Remember that you must regulate your stress, not amplify it, and let it spill over to an already
burdened child."
A conducive environment, the coach believes, can have compounding benefits. "We call it intrinsic motivation. It comes from realising that you're in a safe environment and failure doesn't entail bitter consequences. In my experience, children who are motivated intrinsically perform way better than those reeling under pressure," she shares.
Tyagi echoes the sentiment. "Your composure and optimism can have a profound impact on their path. Show them that your never-ending backing is their greatest asset by acknowledging minor accomplishments," he recommends.
With lakhs of students fighting tooth-and-nail for a handful of seats in premier institutes in the country, it's statistically likely that most of them might get the shorter end of the stick.
The experts unanimously suggest a team approach to tackle such a situation.
"Merely attempting an exam takes enough courage and perseverance. As a parent, remember that although an opportunity is lost, the value of perseverance will stay with the child forever. Use this time to shift the focus from how the child failed to why it happened. Assess their performance and discuss what areas need work. Remember to maintain your composure during the discussion," Singhal urges parents.
Tyagi reminds parents to take a breather amid the stress. "Parents and children must take a step back; they must absorb their emotions before moving on to discussions about their future decisions and fresh goals. Additionally, it is imperative to cultivate a positive atmosphere in the house by prioritising effort above outcomes. Finally, reassure yourself and your child that many accomplished physicians, engineers, lawyers, and top executives have overcome such obstacles," he concludes.
5 per cent
The average success rate for a candidate in the JEE Advanced exam
. Keep communication lines open with your child
. Do-or-die nature of competitive exams is a hype; let your child be aware of this reality
. Don't react immediately to pressure; engage in activities like going for long walks or practising yoga with your child
. Encourage and support your child for every minor accomplishment
. Maintain composure while dealing with failure (or low marks) in a competitive exam
. Positive atmosphere around the child is vital
