Keep it cool: Experts suggest tips for anger-management after defeat

Before the US Open final, Novak Djokovic had recently smashed his racket during the bronze medal match at the Tokyo Olympics too. Pic/AFP

Oops, he did it again. Novak Djokovic smashed his racket in frustration at the Australian Open in February this year. He repeated that regrettable action during the Tokyo Olympics in July. And now, he's consigned the tool of his trade to the dustbin yet again at the US Open finals last weekend. He clearly has an issue with controlling his own anger when faced with the prospect of defeat, and as such, the world's top-ranked tennis player isn't exactly setting the best example for fans dealing with a similar situation in life. Maybe Roger Federer is, if we are to make a comparison. So, how does one take a leaf out of the latter's book and deal with defeat with dignity and grace, instead of becoming the raging bull that Djokovic turns into? Two experts show us the way.

. Be prepared for failure: Image consultant Greeshma Thampi explains that it's important to understand that there are situations in life where we win, and there are those where we don't. "Say, you were unable to bag a client or get a promotion. If that happens, you need to tell yourself that it's a temporary road block and that even the best players will have a bad day. Don't take it personally or question your self-worth. Take it in your stride and move forward instead," she says, while success coach Anand Chulani explains that there is an inner critic in all of us. "We beat ourselves up when we don't live up to our expectations. So, Djokovic was actually beating himself up more than smashing the racket," he says, adding, "The problem is that we have been taught about failure the wrong way. It is shamed, and there is guilt surrounding it. There is thus a fear about it, when failure is actually not a bad thing. We should look at it as an opportunity to grow rather than as a prison sentence, because it's when we benefit from tough times that our inner critic becomes an inner coach instead."

Anand Chulani

. Disassociate yourself: Chulani also says that we can handle failure with dignity when we realise that it is our plan - and not us personally - that has failed. He tells us, "Whether it's in your business or your marriage, if you can cultivate a mindset that it's your strategy that has failed, then you will feel less insecure and be more open to growing. Here, you are not the failure. Your plan is."

. Reflect on mistakes: Thampi says that it's crucial to try and understand what your shortcoming was. "Was it a behavioural problem? Was it a skill set you don't have? I recently saw a video where a doctor points out how sportspeople always have a coach, but working professionals don't. So, he paid one of his mentors to watch him in the surgery room for two months and the insights he got into his blind spots made him more effective as a surgeon," she says, adding that if something doesn't go in your favour at work, take a day or two off to control your emotions and then have a chat with your superior about how best you can move ahead. She says, "The word ‘feedback' implies an accusatory process. ‘Feedforward' removes that negative connotation. It denotes thinking about what can be done so that the same mistake doesn't happen again. So, don't look at the past and keep a futuristic angle."

Greeshma Thampi

. Remember successes: But if you do look into the past, then think about the times when you have come out on top. Chulani explains, "Djokovic has had an amazing year and nearly won the Calendar Slam [winning all four Grand Slams]. He could have thus looked back and thought about how great 2021 has been for him professionally. He could have had gratitude and realised that he remains the most dominant player on the planet."

. Control your body language: Lastly, remember that there are things that you can say with your body that you don't need words for. Thampi explains, "Just by looking at you, people can get a lot of messages. Take MS Dhoni for example. He had the ability to stay calm and focused without even a frown line on his face when his team was losing matches. You, too, should stand tall, keep an open body language and retain pleasant facial expressions [when faced with defeat]. Otherwise, you are not going to come across as someone who is a team player and has leadership qualities."