When Goddess Luna calls

Pastel-coloured walls dotted abruptly yet thoughtfully with indoor plants, contemporary light fittings, bespoke furniture, a clean and polished floor, and aesthetically designed doors that merge with the walls that lead to a mystical world, complete the setting for our meditation session. If we were an Israeli youth fresh out of conscription on a year-long holiday in the third world looking to "find ourself", this would have felt like we hit a jackpot. But, we are only a broke-and-woke millennial, growing up in a fast-changing India saddled with the vagaries of intolerance and so, to us, this soothing spiritual ambience comes packed with the subtle indications of a farce. And we can smell it from a mile away. But we hold on to our verdict until the session is over.

Where are we? You might wonder. We were curious to gauge the benefits of the moon meditation technique and decided to sign up for an hour-long session being conducted by life coach Ellaeenah in a Worli studio. An archetype of the nonconformist aesthete, there's a perpetual lull in Ellaeenah's cadence that could either put you to sleep or awaken your chakras, depending on what you're looking for. The session claims to heal participants of their monetary, physical and emotional pains by using the energies of the full moon and the moon goddess, Luna.

Our life coach is speaking to a room full of 20 to 25 people in a collective trance. Her voice is subjugating the predictable ambient music without ever sounding loud. "Make firm intentions to the moon. Let you no longer be shut, to hold within you this emotional pain and the emotions that cause this emotional pain [sic]. Be open and receptive to her energies..." she is saying, while we struggle to stay focused.

The remaining 45 minutes is a pain-staking repetition of similar-sounding sentences interjected with phrases like "let yourself", "be yourself", and "feel". This is paired with different hand gestures. We place one palm on our stomach and raise the other to receive the energies of the moon; and then place them on our joints to get rid of pain, moving on to our thighs for something else and such. Not a single sentence or moment of the session offers anything new or different that we haven't heard on a self-help YouTube video, nor are we enlightened as to how exactly "sharing our problems with Goddess Luna" will help. All we have is "she will listen".

And then, she asks us to connect with the moon but a little up ahead there's a woman sitting and staring into space. With her we strike a real connection - she is yawning. Ellaeenah ends the session with "I AM, I AM, I AM..." and we complete the sentence under our breath, "...bored."

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