Dad's the way

Johan Bavman

In the universal scheme of things, pregnancy and maternity leave are often uttered in the same breath, reinforcing the role of the father as the breadwinner, who need not to have much to do with bringing up his child. And more often than not, laws mirror a society's beliefs, which explains why several countries, including India, have no legal provision for paternity leave. Sweden - with state insurance schemes that enable parents to stay home with their children for up to 480 days, wherein 90 of these days are reserved for each parent exclusively - is leading the way in ensuring parenthood is an equally shared experience.

To further the discussion on gender equality, the Consulate General of Sweden is organising Swedish Dads - Indian Dads, a photo exhibition featuring everyday experiences of fathers in the Scandinavian country by Swedish photographer Johan Bävman, and Indian Dads, by Indian photographer Avinash Gowariker. We spoke to Bävman, who is in town for the opening of the exhibition. Edited excerpts from the interview.

Murat, 34, arts programmer for children and young people. On paternity leave with Oskar for eight months. "When I took a course in gender psychology, I realised the importance of equal opportunities. I decided not to accept the role I as a father was handed - I wanted to be as important to my children as my wife was... As a parent, it was easy to feel intimidated by all the social media feeds of other successful parents, something I'm trying to get over right now. It's a question of figuring out the limitations of what you can achieve, and learning to live in and enjoy the moment." Pics/Johan Bävman

How did the idea of Swedish Dads transpire?
It started seven years ago with self-portraits of my son and me when I was on parental leave. I wanted to highlight the situation of dads being at home in order to create role models, so more dads could see the benefit of doing so, and to create role models that they could relate to because they were often shown the glamorous side of it. I wanted to express the hard work that you have to put in to become a good parent, but also the unpaid work that has been done by women for centuries. So, my aim was not to put these dads on a pedestal; they are not super dads. This is something that should be normal.

I ended up taking 45 pictures. When you combine them, you get a sense of what it is like to be at home. I also asked these dads about their experience, and their quotes are used as captions for the pictures. What emerged from these conversations was that the dads formed bonds with their children which were priceless. They developed a better relationship with their partners and became better persons because they understood how it is to take care of someone else - something that men often don't do.

What was your own paternity leave like?
I was at home with both my sons for nine months each, and the time I spent with them was priceless. Now, when they are growing up, they come to me as much as they go to my wife seeking comfort and answers. It also helped my wife and me. Like right now, I am in India and I can rely on her to take care of them and then, she can go away on work, counting on me.

Fredric Janson, 34, engineer. When their son Ossian was born, Fredric and his partner took four months' joint parental leave, then they alternated. "Because we took turns being on leave and working, right from when we first became parents, parental leave has never felt boring or monotonous. We thought it was important for both of us to be able to be with our child during all stages of development, and so we chose to be home together during the first four months, and then alternate."

How far do laws go in changing mindsets?
We have this system in Sweden that is unique and makes it easier for dads to be at home. But despite this, we have a long way to go. We don't have a huge number of dads who use their leave completely. It's a complex issue, and the picture of masculinity needs to be changed. It should be masculine enough to care for someone else and express one's emotions. Besides, women have to let go of their responsibilities of home and believe in the fathers that they can do it. The pay gap - men tend to earn more than the women - contributes to it as well.

Be it Sweden or India, what are some of the factors to ensure the responsibility of parenting is shared equally?

I don't want to compare the two countries, but a good start would be to make it possible for both parents to be available at home without losing their job. And later, for both [especially the mother], to be able to go back to work. But it also has to come from the man to want to be a part of it all. That this is something the parents and the child would gain from is important to realise.

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