Anusha Dandekar and Gabriella speak up on being slut-shamed

Anusha Dandekar. Pic/Rane Ashish

I was astonished that it was a girl who started all the ruckus," says VJ and YouTuber Anusha Dandekar when we meet her at a Bandra café on a Friday evening to discuss the commotion that went down on her Instagram account after she posted a sexy picture shot by photographer Sasha Jairam. "I knew when I took the picture that it would not go down well with my audience. My image, even on MTV, is one of a relatable, down-to-earth girl," she says as she sips on a juice, and then breaks into fluent Marathi as she talks on the phone. The Marathi mulgi, currently the judge on India's Next Top Model, was shocked when, after putting the racy shot, she woke up to comment that said "this is why women get raped". Dandekar's boyfriend, TV star Karan Kundra responded to a few haters by saying that a girl was free to wear whatever she desired.

Gabriella Demetriades. Pic/Taras Taraporewala

"In fact, when I was deliberating on whether or not to post the picture, Karan said, 'babe, it's hot, put it up'. I am usually careful about what I put up, just because I don't think my audience sees me that way. But I think we girls need to draw the line only for ourselves, not because others have a problem with it." There are around 1,021 comments on the picture right now (Dandekar has around 676k followers), out of which she says, 80 per cent are positive, many attacking the trolls on her behalf. "I am glad to note that many of them are boys," she says, "My following is so small compared to people like Selena Gomez, and even she said she can't take it after a while. It's because once you start reading, you get sucked in. I have to be honest, it gets me down. I just call Karan, because he makes a joke out of it."

Anusha Dandekar

Dandekar says that she's always had haters, but the count increased when she started dating Kundra, considered a TV heartthrob for his role on Zee's Kitani Mohabbat Hai. His female fans did not take it kindly. "I had to block one lady who was Karan's fan as she got nasty. But the she keeps coming back in different avatars. I can handle the hate, but I can't handle when they call you a prostitute or a wh'''. I want to tell all the girls out there that there is no way you are responsible for things like rape. It's your body, and your decisions."

She adds that Indian women get it worse than international models. "I want to remind such people that before the British ruled us, we were more free. We are the land of the Kamasutra. We are not supposed to be this conservative."

Gabriella Demetriades

South African model and fashion designer, Gabriella Demetriades agrees with Dandekar's opinion, but adds that slut shamers remain a challenge either way. Demetriades, who routinely poses in clothes from her brand and takes mirror selfies, gets comments that attack her for "not wearing enough". While scrolling through a few, she laughs at one that asks her where her "panties" are. "I don't understand it. I am not giving you a full frontal. I am putting up pictures that are tasteful and are art. I am pushing my brand. What is the problem here?" The leggy model has had to block a few trolls, who like Dandekar's, have come back again. Demetriades does feel that a fine line has to be balanced when you are on a social network, and would urge young girls to be careful about what they put out there. "It's an image you are portraying, and anyway girls have to battle so many misconceived notions."

Both have unique ways to stun the shamer into silence. Demetriades like to take the funny route. "So I say 'good day to you too!'." Dandekar, on the other hand, has adopted a zen approach. "I have realised that people who are mean are going through something really bad in their lives. So be kind to them. I have actually replied to people sometimes with kindness and because they are so vulnerable and are maybe crying out for help, they get stunned by it. And then they apologise, saying 'I am so sorry I did this'. That's the best way."