Bigg Boss. Bigger Lessons

Siddharth Shukla and Rashmi Desai

In many ways, Bigg Boss is the dumpster fire of reality shows - if a roomful of isolated strangers who must be at their competitive worst and (in many ways) throw more than the occasional tantrum to make their presence felt doesn't exactly seem like award-winning prime-time material, that's largely because it isn't. However, there still may be a lot of subconscious lessons that Bigg Boss addicts could take away from the show, currently in its 13th season. "Those familiar with it will soon recognise that it is more of a televised social experiment than a reality show. While the behaviour of many of the contestants is rooted in their public and personal backgrounds, they still behave in ways that are relatable to the common man," explains Dr. Payal Sharma Kamath, a psychiatrist at Rekindle Mind Clinic. It follows, therefore, that viewers can benefit from the life lessons that are played out on their television screens every evening.

Experts share some of the key takeaways from the season thus far.

Fight fair

Daily fights are staple in the Bigg Boss house, but the spats between Siddharth Shukla and his rumoured ex Rashmi Desai are uglier than the rest. In a recent episode, even after being warned by host Salman Khan about bringing up their personal equation, Rashmi continued to discuss Siddharth's bad behaviour on a show that both acted in, which she claims led to his expulsion.

Takeaway: Dr Kamath says, "One of the most important lessons you can learn as an adult is to show anger constructively and to fight fair. First, find a convenient time when you are both well-rested and not distracted. Let the other person speak for a third of the time you have slotted for this fight, without interrupting him/her. Listening should be intimate and active. Understand that you can criticise the problem without criticising each other. One of the key rules to fighting fair is to never use any information that the other person might have privately shared with you, in a negative way."

Be willing to learn from your past

Vishal Aditya Singh

When TV actors Madhurima Tuli and her ex Vishal Aditya Singh entered the Bigg Boss house after having parted ways quite bitterly on another reality show, viewers expected things to heat up here as well. And, for a while, their expectations were met. The two exchanged harsh words as tempers flared. And yet, when the ex-lovers were compelled to seek solace in each other following eviction nominations for both, they became close again, even admitting their love for each other.

Madhurima Tuli

Takeaway: "Relationships often end because of constraints such as lack of time, work pressure, and expectations from families and friends, instead of the couple genuinely falling out of love. Consequently, when you share the same social circles as your ex and must interact frequently because of unavoidable circumstances, it may become especially difficult to break ties and move on. However, before you decide to resume your relationship with an ex, remember that your partner will need time to rebuild the trust that has been lost. Frequent and honest discussions hold the key before you decide to commit all over again. If you are keen to mend bridges, ensure you give your partner the space and time s/he needs to process his/her emotions as compared to your desire to fix things quickly," says Dr Kamath. Jain adds, "Every relationship has its seasons. When times are bad, be open to shedding your insecurities, ego, negative thinking, competition and comparisons. Realise that your partner is not your enemy and jointly create a space that allows both of you to grow."

Think independently and objectively

Paras Chhabra

Mahira Sharma

"Paras Chhabra and Mahira Sharma have been close friends since the start of the season. However, throughout their relationship, Mahira has fed off Paras's thought process. She almost always does the same things as Paras or what he wants. In the process, she loses her individual identity and has no opinion about the happenings inside the house. Aarti Singh also often has made decisions based on what the others in the house are discussing, especially Siddharth Shukla. It was only when the others brought this up that she gradually began to think and act independently," says counselling psychologist and life coach, Namrata Jain.

Namrata Jain

Takeaway: As a parent, friend or even a family member, give your loved ones the space to think. Encourage them to develop their independent opinion; in the long term, this will prove to be an asset to them, too, and others around them, says Jain. On the individual front, she emphasises acknowledging that everyone is born with his/her own unique qualities and must develop his/her thought process based on unique experiences and perceptions. "It is important to train yourself to think objectively and allow your uniqueness to surface," she says.

Become self-sufficient

Shehnaaz Gill

Shehnaaz Gill's behaviour often comes across as attention-seeking. When she feels she is being denied the attention she wants or needs, she will go out and seek sympathy - even if this comes at the cost of harming herself or those around her. This is why you will often see her sway like a pendulum in allegiance, or even become revengeful towards her loved ones.

Takeaway: While seeking care is a basic human need, it is also important to be self-sufficient. Show care and concern for others and you will automatically get it back. A far more effective strategy is to seek respect, not attention, says Jain.

Understand genuine friendships

Siddharth Shukla and Shehnaaz Gill's friendship has seen its fair share of spats and bouts of making-up, but what often jars viewers is Siddharth's treatment of his on-off friend. Case in point being his decision to end his friendship with Shehnaz over her behaviour during a task. She immediately began to bend over backwards to make amends. "While it's natural for friendships to go through occasional upheavals, it's also important to recognise when and why you are holding on to a friendship that hurts you," says Dr Kamath.

Takeaway: Be aware that if you are unable to have healthy conversations with your friend and bullying is common, your friendship is one-sided. Your friend doesn't want to listen to thoughts and opinions that may be honest but are uncomfortable for him/her.

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