Yearender: Experts weigh in on ‘Situationship’- the top dating trend of 2022

"A situationship is an undefined, easy-going and commitment-free relationship. It is like an informal arrangement that goes beyond the conventions of an exclusive relationship. Situationships can take different forms based on the current moment or ‘situation' one is at. Sometimes it could just be a passing phase for people to get to know each other better before they take a deeper commitment. Other times it could mean spending time with each other without labelling their relationship status," explains Dr. Chandni Tugnait, life coach and Tinder's relationship expert.

Young adults are increasingly embracing this concept as it's a low-pressure way of getting to know somebody based on the present moment. In a way, situationship offers a middle ground between a fully committed relationship, and a hook-up. It allows you to be intimate with someone, while still pursuing an emotional involvement instead of jumping into a relationship for the sake of sexual intimacy.

Prasant Meera, a Tinder member from Guwahati met someone after they had broken up with their previous partner seven months prior and had finally opened up to the idea of dating again. Meera, who identifies as genderqueer, had initially stopped talking with their match, but after a few days, they finally made contact and agreed to meet. "My nerves were all over the place. We went to his place, and spent an incredible evening with music, and cuddles," shares Meera. Their date was leaving for the US next week, and they both mutually decided to meet only after he returned to India. The 24-year-old adds, "Our story is not complete in the conventional way.

Nowadays, we are smitten by the idea of a 'made for each other' kind of love story that is always complete. But at that moment, our understanding with each other was undefined. There was no pressure to know everything about each other or even make any kind of decision. In fact, there was more connection and conversation and a deep level of emotional intimacy, and even though it was momentarily - it was liberating for us."

What was liberating for Meera, complicated things for Tanya Oberoi. When asked about her dating experiences, the 28-year-old shares, "Over the past two years, I have moved around a lot, and met fascinating people who I've been involved with in varying capacities. Most of the people I've met through dating apps are unsure of what they really want when it comes to an intimate partnership. This combined with unclear communication can lead to an undefined "situationship" - the uncertainty of which reflects badly on my mental health. Being unsure of how the other individual feels, or trying to constantly figure out where a relationship is headed can do more harm than good."

While the stance on situationships is complex, we asked Dr. Preeti Parakh, psychiatrist and head, Mpower the Centre, Kolkata, and Dr. Chandni Tugnait, life coach and Tinder's relationship expert to help us further our understanding of the impact of 2022's hottest dating trend.

Why do people get into situationships?
Tugnait: Many people don't want to be tied down or forced to follow a linear structure or milestones that a conventional relationship holds. Situationship is about honesty and stating your needs and asking for what you want. It offers more room for interpretation and freedom to explore what works for someone in the current stage of their life.

How can you tell if a situationship is working for you, and when is it not?
Tugnait: Whether or not a situationship is working for you depends on several factors, including how you feel about the other person, how well you communicate with each other, and whether you share similar goals and values. In general, a situationship can be working for you if you are happy with the level of commitment and communication in the relationship, and if you feel like you and your partner are on the same page. The key is to pay attention to your own feelings and needs, and to have open, honest and authentic communication with your partner.

If a situationship is not working for you, it can be challenging and overwhelming. However, it is important to remember that it is a common and normal experience. Many people go through situationships at some point in their lives and it can lead to different outcomes. Situationships are the ideal low pressure compatibility test without the whole commitment pressure to help you understand your relationship at your own time. You should approach this positively and focus on open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and concerns.

This way you can clarify the direction of the relationship and improve your understanding of each other's expectations. This can help to reduce uncertainty and can foster a deeper sense of trust and connection in the relationship. Self-care and self-compassion is another positive way to battle any negative emotions you are facing. It is important to remember that you are not alone in your feelings, and that it is okay to take care of yourself and prioritise your own well-being.

What are the most common red flags in situationships?
Parakh: There are certain behaviours that suggest an unhealthy relationship. If one feels uncomfortable telling the truth to one's partner, it is a sign of something being wrong. This usually happens when the partner is controlling and manipulative. Lack of trust is also a red flag. It is very difficult to be with a suspicious partner and to constantly have to be on the defensive. Problems in communicating clearly also point towards an unhealthy relationship and can lead to misunderstandings.

Tugnait: Some common red flags in situationships include a lack of clarity about the direction of the relationship, and conflicting goals and expectations. Other red flags may include a lack of trust or respect, a lack of emotional intimacy or connection, and a lack of effort or interest from one or both partners. Having said that, a situationship offers many opportunities for growth and connection. By addressing any red flags that you notice in your relationship, you can work together with your partner to improve your connection and build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship, without the pressure of moulding it into anything conventional.

How can situationship anxiety impact the mental health, and well-being of the individuals involved?
Parakh: Any relationship that lacks commitment cannot be good for mental health as there are a lot of uncertainties involved, especially if the relationship has lasted for long. When one has invested a long time in a relationship which still is short of a fully committed relationship, it feels like a lot of time and effort has been wasted into something that is pointless. It gets even more complicated when one of the partner starts wanting more and the other is not willing. Situationships also fail to provide the emotional support and sense of wellbeing that comes from being in a committed relationship.

Can a situationship be healthy? Can it convert into a relationship?
Tugnait: Yes, a situationship can be healthy and can potentially convert into a committed relationship. For a situationship to be healthy, it is important to have a mutual understanding of each other's expectations and boundaries. As individuals in a situationship get to know each other and build a stronger connection, they may decide that they want to take their relationship to the next level and become exclusive overtime.

What can individuals who are looking to date do to pursue and maintain healthy relationships?
Parakh: The one thing that can make or break a relationship is not love but communication. Loving someone does not mean one can read their mind. So, clear communication is necessary to prevent misunderstandings and also to let the other person know what one's expectations are. The body language is as important as words when it comes to open and clear communication. The ability to compromise also goes a long way in maintaining relationships. Differences of opinion are inevitable when two persons are in a relationship, but it is necessary to find a common ground. Both should be able to cordially express their opinions and come to a compromise without resentment. Compromise is a two-way street. If only one person is compromising all the time, the relationship is not going to last long.

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