Will you marry me? How young Indian couples are embracing western culture of marriage proposals

Happy tears rolled down our eyes when Schitt's Creek Patrick went down on one knee and proposed to David at a serene location. We were also beyond happy when Monica from Friends did the same for Chandler in her own apartment leaving him feeling mushy. These scenes from western media have had a profound effect on our hearts - so much so, that we long for a marriage proposal equally heartwarming.

Our longing has further intensified all thanks to Instagram which is waiting to break to us the news of someone getting engaged and flaunting their marriage proposal through reels whenever we visit it.

These proposals look grand on social media and have made it look like a necessary gesture. While many endorse it to celebrate love and bond, some also do it for social media. We tapped a marriage counsellor and a to-be bride to understand the influence of this Western culture on young Indian couples.

The Indian scenario
In a typical Indian setting, the union of marriage is sealed by a roka or engagement ceremony where the to-be bride and groom exchange rings in the presence of their families and relatives. This is in the case of both arranged and love marriages. In India, it is believed that marriage is not just a union between two individuals but two families, unlike in the west where families have very little involvement in a couple's decision to get married.

"This is changing now. Young Indian couples are taking charge of their own romantic relationships independent of familial influence," says Ishmeet Minhas, founder and couples therapist at Minhas and Associates. "The proposals are an expression of their independence," adds Minhas.

According to her, the choice of young Indians going down on one knee and asking for their partner's hand in marriage is much more than just a romantic gesture. She says, "I am observing young Indian couples having progressive ideas about romantic partnerships. They recognise their expectations in a relationship and live by it regardless of what their families say. This indicates a drastic shift from the traditional ways in which the decision of marriages was made."

Further, Minhas also mentions young Indians becoming financially independent in their early 20s which allows them the liberty to live by their own rules. Additionally, she points out the stereotypes that have changed over time. Today, women too confess their love to men, an act that was deemed to be men's. The fact that women today are independent more than ever and have the liberty to make their own life choices is also encouraging them to go down on one knee and propose to a man. This reflects equality that more and more young Indians are accepting and normalising.

"The influence of media as well as social media plays a huge role in bringing about this cultural shift," says Minhas. India has a large number of social media users. Getting exposed to various grand as well as romantic marriage proposals, most of which are also unconventional, is shaping people's aspirations for themselves.

The flip side to media's influence on young couples
While the cultural influence of marriage proposals through media is definitely encouraging couples to celebrate their love and rekindle the spark of romance, it also has its own share of cons. Minhas says, "I am also seeing individuals feeling disappointed and frustrated when they don't get to live their share of fairytale moments."

It is possible for the media to make individuals feel the necessity to have such romantic occasions. When partners don't meet these expectations, individuals often end up feeling dejected. This is not to say that every young individual in India today expects to have a marriage proposal, but would be happy if their partner decided to give them one.

It was the same for Judelyne Banerji, a 27-year-old publicist from Mumbai. "I had never given marriage proposals any thought. I had not even expected it. When Adarsh (Judelyne's partner) and I started dating, we knew getting married was an inevitable next step. All we needed to get right was our timing. When he got down on his knee, I laughed. We had already set the date for our wedding, all the other planning was underway. My first reaction was, ‘We are already getting married,' but I said yes again, anyway."

It was still a special moment for Judelyne. She says, "I appreciate him for making this gesture. I feel good that I didn't miss out on what is otherwise considered an important part of a new beginning."

Judelyne's partner had thought of two unique ways to propose and was successful in implementing them too. "Adarsh reached out to around 30 of our friends and family members living in different parts of the world and asked them to record a short video asking 'Judy, #WillYou...?'. Coordinating across time zones and getting them to upload the video on Instagram at the exact moment was amazing. While I thought that was it, what happened next left me speechless."

She goes on to share, "Adarsh and I were venue-hunting for the wedding. One day he decided to check the grounds at his college. As we entered the auditorium, Taylor Swift's ‘Love Story' started playing. Adarsh went down on his knee and pulled out the ring hidden in his sneakers. He said the most adorable words which ended with him asking me, ‘Will you marry me?' I got proposed to at the very same spot we met years ago. My heart smiled for hours after the proposal and still does when I think of it."

For Judelyne, her marriage proposal involved her inner circle who was truly happy to celebrate along with her.

Sharing her view on this western influence, she says, "While everyone wants to create a special moment for themselves and also share about it on social media, there are couples who take unnecessary pressure about it." She blames social media for the same.

With the rise in the number of influencers, brand collaborations and content creators, many go the extra mile. Celebrities sharing their proposal pictures and speaking about it on TV shows making everything sound magical is another factor that has led to the rise in grand proposals.

The extent to which one goes to make their special someone happy is a personal choice. However, it is crucial to understand the purpose rather than giving into unrealistic standards that the media has set and continues to do so.

"Going down on a knee traditionally is an act of showing respect. It is definitely good to embrace newer ways of expressing your love to your partner. However, it is equally important to keep the proposal comfortable and respectful towards your partner," says Minhas.

There are many who go overboard just to make a statement which might not be necessary for your partner. She adds, "Remember, the quality of marriage is not dependent on the grandeur of the proposal. So don't take any unnecessary pressure."

On a parting note, she suggests keeping the marriage proposal true to the personal tastes of both partners involved and sticking to what truly matters.

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