Mid-Day Specials | Are dating apps safe? A deep dive into cyber, psychological and legal perspectives

Mumbai-based writer Saanjh' has tried using almost every dating app, hoping to find a good person. However, she has had to face several unpleasant experiences, that compromised her physical and emotional safety. "I have tried my luck using almost all dating platforms that are currently available including small-time apps, which at times has put me in a precarious situation," she states.

She shares an experience: "I was briefly working in Bengaluru when I had matched with a guy on Bumble and I invited them over. They tried to get physically intimate when I had not consented to it. I was already not in a good state mentally. I called a friend in tears and she consoled me for a bit until I slept. The next day, she showed up with another friend with food, and spent the whole day with me while we worked together to help me settle."

"I had another experience as a student where a person I'd matched on Tinder insisted that I meet him at the beach at night time. I did not go on the date and unmatched with him but he found my Facebook profile with just my first name and began messaging me there. I blocked him," she further reveals.

A similar situation was faced by Delhi-based management professional Tanya', which prompted her to stop using dating apps altogether. She states, "I had matched with someone but didn't wish to continue talking, so I unmatched. However, he began texting me on social media and I was terrified. I blocked him and also uninstalled the dating app, and haven't used it since. The whole experience was very scary."

The same platforms that are considered liberating and credited for democratising relationships are now in the limelight for all the wrong reasons. Unsafe incidents such as these not only compromise physical safety but also affect users mentally.

"Both these incidents left me shaken. It took time to recover," shares Saanjh.

However, the experience did not deter her from using dating apps. "The way I deal with people has changed due to these experiences. If I don't feel comfortable or catch the ick by something they said or their behaviour, I stop talking to them," she states.

Nirali Bhatia, cyber psychologist, psychotherapist and founder of Cyber B.A.A.P. (an anti-cyberbullying organisation), has seen instances of dating app users being harassed or scammed through these apps.

"One major issue is that of fake profiles," she reveals. "Guys believe it to be a girl's profile, but then they realise it was a boy chatting from a girl's profile. I've also come across girls who intentionally swiped another girl's profile because that's what they wanted, and then realised it was a boy. In one case, the boy started extorting the girl," she states.

Sharing other instances, she states, "There have been cases where guys have been conned. On video calls, they are recorded and sextorted."

There have been various cases of scams through fake profiles and sextortion in current times. A recent Mid-day sting operation revealed a dating app scam, which involved women with fake profiles taking men to expensive clubs, and club managers and owners extorting exorbitant money from these victims.

Also Read: Dating app scam busted in Mumbai: Floodgates open

Apart from this, dating apps can pose other safety risks as well.

"Initiating conversation with someone on dating apps has also led to stalking. Over the last few years, it has been observed that people immediately move out of the conversation from dating apps to different sites. After a couple of messages, they even exchange their numbers. Then, most of the conversation is either on WhatsApp or even Instagram. Somehow, many youngsters today believe that Instagram is safer than WhatsApp. Then there is a barrage of unpleasant, unwarranted, constant messages," she adds.

Revealing a specific instance, she states, "I've worked on a case where a guy met someone from a dating app when he was travelling to another city. They met a couple of times. Because he was not from that city, he only went there for work. But the girl got very obsessive and it led to psychotic behavior. She threatened to cut herself. So, the trauma was massive."

On whom does the onus of safety lie?

While dating apps are often criticised for failing to put appropriate safety measures in place, does the onus lie entirely on them?

Saanjh doesn't think so.

"We are responsible for our safety. But the dating apps should also take accountability. I am not sure if they can run a criminal background check but they should. An incident happened with a friend who learned that the man she had been seeing was a conman and a case was filed against him," she states.

"But then again, it's a catch-22 situation because even if they do verify things, some users may not explicitly display signs of being creepy or unsafe. I'd say, when it comes to offline behaviour, the responsibility of safety is on us and while things are on their platforms, the responsibility of safety is on them," she adds.

However, she clarifies that there's no ideal solution to this issue. "There can only be perspectives," she concludes.

Bhatia also believes that safety is a collective responsibility.

She states, "The dating apps should make sure that their platform does due diligence. They should ensure that they have genuine profiles. It's important for them to not be driven only by business as a motive, but also by safety. Also, they should have easy remedial measures and create awareness amongst their users."

"Safety is also our responsibility. You can't go with your eyes shut. You have to be alert. You have to be smart enough. Going slow is your biggest advantage. Don't just jump to it. Make sure that you are always in control and aware of what's happening. The basic rule is to share your location with trusted people and tell them where you're going if you're meeting strangers. Always meet in public places. We can't completely put our hands up and rely on others," she adds.

Also Read: Do women feel safe at bars in Mumbai?

What are dating apps doing to ensure safety?

Many believe that dating platforms do not consider the safety of users as their objective. However, almost every dating app claims otherwise.

Tinder, one of the leading online dating platforms in the country, elaborates. Dr. Chandni, life coach and relationship expert partner with Tinder in India, states, "Safety is super important in online dating, and Tinder is stepping up to ensure users feel secure. The platform is all about addressing what users need by rolling out a bunch of safety features, providing helpful in-app tips, using smart fraud detection tech, and even teaming up with law enforcement when needed. Features like Photo Verification, Block Contacts, 'Are You Sure?', and 'Does This Bother You?', are all designed with your safety in mind. Plus, the Dating Safety Guide, launched last year, gives you the scoop on available safety tools and how to date safely. Initiatives like ‘Let's Talk Consent' also help young adults understand the importance of navigating consent in relationships."

In a statement shared with mid-day.com, the company elucidates the process followed if suspicious behaviour is reported on the app.

It reads, "When someone reports on Tinder, the actions taken depend on the nature of the report. Broadly, when a report is filed, it initiates an agent to look into the activity and evaluate whether the behavior reported to us violates our community guidelines. If the person reported has violated our guidelines, we either issue a warning to the user or remove them from Tinder, depending on the severity and specific context of the offense. It's important to note that a report does not automatically trigger de-platforming from Tinder, and aside from spam, all removals are actioned by a human moderator. In the case of suspected spam, impersonation, and other violations, the user will likely have the option to prove their identity before being permanently removed."

mid-day.com reached out to other dating apps, who remained unavailable for comment.

Legal aspects of safety on dating apps

Bhatia highlights an often overlooked aspect on whom the onus of safety and protection also lies - law and order.

"We need strong legal compliance and awareness. I should be feeling assured that if at something goes wrong, I will have aid. I know my rights. I know that the law will protect me. I am comfortable going to the police," she states.

Sadly, we're not there yet. "Questions like ‘Aapko kisne bola tha itni raat ko jaane (who asked you to go this late at night)' are asked instead of helping victims," Bhatia laments.

She states, "A stringent legal mechanism is required. Why are people careful while driving? Because they are scared that they'll immediately be caught and punished if they make a mistake or cause any harm. The license will be cancelled and they will have to undergo a trial. This fear is required. I don't think we have established this fear when it comes to cybercrime and harassment."

What does the law say?

Several laws can protect users from harassment, cybercrime, fraud and exploitation. Both dating apps and users should adhere to these. Advocate Prashant Mali, a cybersecurity, cyber law and data protection expert, and author, states the laws that can ensure safety on dating apps.

1. Intermediary liability and due diligence - As per the Information Technology (Intermediary Guidelines and Digital Media Ethics Code) Rules, 2021, dating apps are considered intermediaries under Indian law, meaning they must:

• Ensure safety measures: Apps must establish grievance redressal mechanisms to address user complaints related to abuse, harassment and other safety issues.
• Content moderation: They are required to remove offensive content (related to harassment, defamation or indecency) within a specific period if flagged by users or law enforcement.
• User verification: Dating apps must provide an option for users to verify their identities voluntarily, thus reducing anonymity, which can be used to perpetrate crimes.

2. Cyber harassment and stalking

• BNS Section 78: Cyberstalking or harassment, which is common on dating apps, is a criminal offense under Section 78 of the BNS. Apps must facilitate users in reporting such offenses and cooperate with law enforcement.
• Sexual Harassment Laws: Any form of sexual harassment (unwanted explicit messages, obscene behavior, etc.) occurring on these platforms can be prosecuted under BNS Section 76 and Section 79, which criminalise sexual harassment and indecent behavior.
• Grievance Redressal Officers: As per the 2021 intermediary rules, dating apps must appoint grievance officers who can handle complaints related to sexual harassment or safety concerns within a stipulated period (typically 24 hours for high-risk complaints).

3. Fraud and impersonation

• BNS Section 318 (Cheating and Fraud): Dating apps must assist in cases where users are deceived, financially or emotionally, under pretenses, or where impersonation is used to gain personal information or finances.
• IT Act, 2000, Section 66C (Identity Theft): The IT Act criminalises identity theft, which can occur on dating platforms when users impersonate others. Apps must have verification mechanisms and cooperate with authorities to address such crimes.

4. User privacy and data safety - Dating apps are responsible for ensuring the security of personal data. If a data breach occurs, they may be held liable for failing to implement reasonable security practices under the Digital Personal Data Protection Act (DPDPA).

5. Obligations to report cybercrimes

• Reporting to Authorities: Dating apps are expected to cooperate with law enforcement by providing user data (such as IP addresses and phone numbers) in cases involving criminal activity or serious safety threats, based on valid legal requests.
• Child Exploitation and Abuse: Dating apps must ensure they do not facilitate any form of exploitation or child abuse. Under the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act (POCSO), strict penalties apply for any involvement in child exploitation.

6. Anti-obscenity and indecency laws - BNS Sections 294 and 296 prohibit obscene content and actions. Dating apps must ensure that content uploaded or shared by users adheres to these laws, and indecent behavior can be reported and penalised.

7. Safety features and compliance with law enforcement - Dating apps are encouraged to implement in-app safety features like block, report or panic buttons that allow users to quickly report abusive behavior. They must also maintain a transparent process for escalating complaints to law enforcement in cases of severe threats to a user's safety.

8. Grievance redressal timelines - Dating apps must adhere to strict timelines for addressing grievances. For instance, in cases involving user safety, they must resolve complaints within 24-72 hours, depending on the severity of the issue.

Additionally, members also have the duty under the DPDP Act not to provide wrongful data, They can be fined ₹10000 for the same by the Data Protection Board under DPDPA.

Tips for navigating the world of dating apps safely

When one puts oneself out there on dating apps, both physical and emotional safety become key concerns. Ruchi Ruuh, a relationship counsellor shares the following tips to navigate dating apps, keeping safety as a priority.

• Take it slow and pace the relationship. Don't rush into sharing deep personal details. Take time to build trust gradually before opening up emotionally.
• It's easy to get sucked into the whirlwind of expectations based on people's profiles and communication. Remember that real connections take time. Keep your expectations realistic to avoid disappointment later.
• In the world of dating apps, rejection can happen and you must remember that it's often about compatibility, not your worth or desirability.
• Recognise red flags: Pay attention to emotional manipulation tactics, such as love-bombing, creating a sense of urgency or guilt-tripping. If someone's behavior feels overwhelming or inconsistent, take a step back and evaluate the situation.

Can one spot potential risks on dating platforms? "It's not a hundred percent possible," believes Bhatia. However, she suggests some red flags that one can look out for.

• Don't trust everything immediately. Please go and cross-check on other social media. Anybody who is working today will have a LinkedIn profile. So, please verify.
• Don't be in a rush. Don't get carried away and overshare because that's where we get manipulated. We stop seeing red flags because they start talking the language that we want to listen to. For example, they can see your profile. You have written that you're looking for a serious relationship. They will converse in such a way they start resonating to what your idea is. That is where we get blinded and we stop being alert.
• See if it is too good to be true. It's not easy to spot, but if you're aware, you can. Most of these times where people build relationships, there's a lot of social engineering that happens. While they may not really have information on you, you end up giving a lot of information in the way you engage.

Ruuh shares the following tips to ensure physical safety:

• Protect your personal information: Avoid sharing details like your full name, home address, workplace or financial information.
• Give preference to verified profiles and ask them to do so. Do a quick internet search or check their social media presence to confirm their identity.
• Trust your instincts: If something feels off, it probably is. Don't be afraid to end a conversation or leave a date if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Set clear boundaries and expectations beforehand to avoid confusion later.

While dating apps provide an opportunity to meet new people and explore relationships, they exist in the cyber world and pose risks that come with the territory.

The cyber world, Bhatia believes, is largely a psychological place. "It's not just technology. Technology is the medium to access, but the world that you're entering is largely all about psychological skills. It is very emotionally triggering. Hence, we behave the way we behave. We all know that we are not supposed to share information with unknown people, but we end up doing that," she explains.

She suggests the ‘POV Model' to ensure cyber safety, especially on dating apps.

P stands for ‘practice the pause'. Never should you react, always respond. Response takes time. Take that pause, breathe, and take 10 seconds to reply. Think about it.
O is replaced by 0 i.e., zero trust. You cannot trust blindly in the cyber world because it's all behind the screens.
V is for verifying. Do not forget to verify everything.

'Names changed or only first names used