Hybrid dating: Why ‘in real life’ first dates are becoming obsolete

"My first date last year was a phone call that went on for three hours and we did not meet for a good four to five months. On those lonely cozy nights, you have someone to talk to," says Pratishta Puthran, a 26-year-old who has been exploring ‘hybrid dating' since 2021. "I personally feel more comfortable with the idea of knowing a person's thoughts, likes and dislikes before I take out my valuable time to meet a stranger and either be disappointed or pleased," the senior sales professional from Mumbai adds.

Just as Zoom calls, Google Meets, FaceTimes and in-app video interaction revolutionised our lives during the pandemic, they have also boosted the concept of ‘hybrid dating', which has gradually changed people's approach to finding a partner and planning first dates. This style of courtship means young adults are curating dates involving a combination of online and in-person meets that suit the mid-pandemic and post-pandemic lifestyle.

As Covid-19 has made people more cautious about physical and mental health, many like Puthran are choosing to move carefully and take things slow before setting out for real life dates. Rather than blind dates in a restaurant or meeting a stranger at the club, virtual date set-ups or a long phone call and a video interaction have replaced the traditional ‘in real life' (IRL) first dates. But, these distanced rendezvous have neither arrested the excitement nor stopped curious hearts from fluttering.

With the Omicron wave once again necessitating hybrid work in 2022, experts say hybrid dating is here to stay and will become a norm in the post-pandemic world too.

Why hybrid dating?

For Puthran, hybrid dating enabled knowing the other person better without feeling the compulsion to meet in real life amid a pandemic that provided a perfect excuse for not engaging in offline meets.

Aahana Dhar, director of communications for Tinder India, says according to Tinder's ‘Future of Dating' report published in 2021, singles see it as a low-pressure way to get a sense for someone: 68 percent find it easier to make connections online, 67 percent find it more liberating to meet new people online, and 60 percent feel they feel less judged.

Siddhanth Salian, a 24-year-old Mumbaikar, says, "Hybrid dating according to me has its own comfort. It has given me the space to be more of myself and know more of the other person before meeting them personally. That way I feel secure and the other person does too in our own environments."

Salian adds that through hybrid dating he has started giving people more time before jumping to conclusions, unlike before when usually the first impression would qualify as the last impression.

Moreover, both Puthran and Salian believe it has also helped people cope with loneliness during the pandemic. As conversations develop online, people feel physical contact can wait until conditions are safer.

"We do not have to wait to meet to share our thoughts, our feelings. Even though the conversation is a sudden one, the way the other person talks, responds, makes us understand how they handle such topics, how much they're into us and how involved they are. The same goes when we have to respond to them too, we can hear them out, console and understand them," says Salian.

From experimentation to a safer strategy

As Covid-19 deepened a sense of emotional insecurity amid loneliness and inability to go out and meet others, people began to grow wary of trusting people with their time and feelings. Online dating provided a perfect option to strike a balance. It increased online interactions with people of similar tastes before planning an IRL date, and made it safe enough to cut off conversations before either person invests too much, in case things don't work out.

"If we feel that there's compatibility and our trust issues have eased up a bit, then we can go ahead and meet up. Without that, just meeting someone spontaneously has all these thoughts where we're trying too hard to impress them in the one chance we get in a direct meet-up," says Salian who felt his experience of meeting a person offline after online dates was comfortable, with the right amount of spark.

Relationship coach and mental health expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains that the only way things can take an ugly turn is if one of the partners is rushing into things without validating a person's online details, especially if you are new to virtual dating.

"The risk factor is always 50-50. But in a virtual age people do not want to refrain from trying new things and dating is one of them. It is a top method for those who plainly want to get out of loneliness and try to be socially active," Sadhoo adds.

As every dating method has its own pros and cons, Puthran, Salian and Sadhoo say dishonest encounters, failed expectations and shattering disappointments are the flipside of hybrid dates as well. Nevertheless, people are not scared or reluctant to take that risk and spice up their dating life with more virtual romance.

"Blocking and reporting accounts are one of the options to deal with any kind of harassment or deception by fake profiles. Some dating apps also provide therapy in serious cases," says Puthran.

Is it all about hybrid dating in future?

When asked about whether hybrid dating is overtaking traditional dates, Puthran says, "Not really, in virtual fantasy you really can't hold hands, right? So maybe it will make meeting people easier but maintaining those relationships is going to be difficult, because we know if this doesn't work out we have other options lined up."

Whereas, according to Dhar, "Even as more IRL dating becomes a possibility with vaccination ramping up, our members are continuing to use virtual dating tools to continue to get to know each other better before they meet and nearly half of them say that they expect dating to get more virtually creative than before."

Dhar shares the following trends that indicate an extended online dating before an in-person meet will become a norm:

Video dates to become staple

While IRL dates are making a comeback, video dates are emerging as the first-date staple with users even mentioning ‘video call' in their bios. Nearly half of Tinder had a video chat with a match during the pandemic, and 40 percent of users plan to continue using video to get to know people even when the pandemic is over. Tinder's in-app Face-to-Face video calling feature lets users video chat with each other without exchanging personal information. These calls can happen only between people who have mutually swiped right and chatted before.

‘Vaxxed', a dating flex

Marking self as ‘vaccinated' on online platforms is a pandemic-introduced trend, which has helped individuals ensure safety before meeting someone. According to Tinder's ‘Year in Swipe' 2021 report, mentions of ‘Vaccinated' in bios in India grew by 40x as members advocated for vaccine status as a dating essential.

First dates will be more about activities

First date drinks are officially outdated! When it came time to meet up, daters chose more creative, personal and casual first date activities than in the past. When asked about first date go-to plans on Tinder, ‘picnic in a park' and ‘a virtual movie night' were both popular choices made by members in India.

Boundaries will be more transparent

The pandemic brought up more discussions of personal boundaries. Tinder members used their bios to make their expectations clear: the phrase ‘wear a mask' went up 100X over the course of the pandemic, ‘boundaries' was being used more than ever (up 19 percent), and the term ‘consent' rose 11 percent. This practice will likely make conversations about consent more commonplace and comfortable in the future.

Wanting to ‘see where things go'

Dating is no longer about the familiar chronology of slow courtship; instead, it has become fluid in terms of expectations, emotions and experiences. More people will want to "see where things go." Though the pandemic might have been driving a desire for marriage, the next generation of daters is seeking more open-ended relationships.

As hybrid dating becomes increasingly common, Sadhoo lays out key points to keep in mind as you make a move:

1. Apps: Choose your dating apps wisely, often check their credibility before using them. Since your details would be in the public domain following precautions is the key.

2. Stay honest: Specifically, if you are new to dating, certain research proves that people usually, tend to fall for people who are similar to them. Thus, try to be honest and at the same time careful while being online.

3. Information: Do not reveal your contact information if you are using a platform or communicating with a stranger for the first time. Take your own time before sharing details.

4. Covid-19 safety: For offline meetings, take necessary precautions to avoid using heavily populated public transport and meeting in crowded public places for dates. Follow all the necessary COVID protocols.

5. Refrain from unnecessary physical contacts: It is obvious that you are on an outdoor date and perhaps also vaccinated, but try to keep physical contact to a minimum for the time being. You can still enjoy each other's company and have a good time with a meaningful conversation.