Dry Dating: Why more men and women are opting to go on alcohol-free dates

Shruti Railkar doesn't like to drink alcohol on her dates. It is a practice that she has started following only recently but very consciously. The reasons are plentiful and even though she drinks occasionally otherwise, it has been one practice she hasn't budged from, owing to its many benefits. She explains, "I switched to non-alcohol dates because of trust issues. There are men who tend to take advantage of a drunk woman. There are incidents where men have mixed up something in a woman's drink without her consent."

While this is one of the larger reasons why she made the switch, the other is that she doesn't usually opt to go on a conventional date to a restaurant, as other people would. "I usually prefer dates outdoors and don't restrict myself to a restaurant or pub. While traveling, I prefer to be sober throughout." Apart from being a lover of the outdoors, Railkar says she is usually guarded, especially if it is a first date. "You tend to over-share and under-share under the influence of alcohol," she reminds, and not drinking has made the experience simpler.

'Sober dating' or 'Dry dating' is slowly becoming more and more popular by the day. It is the practice of not consuming alcohol on your dates. Funnily, drinking on a date has become such a norm that many can't think about one without it but that may be slowly changing. According to a recent Bumble research, the trend which picked up in 2022 is going to widely continue in 2023. A national poll conducted by the dating app earlier showed that 24 per cent of single Indians who drink claim they won't do so on dates in 2023. Almost 56 per cent of those not wanting to drink said the main reason for them to avoid alcohol was for them to get to know the person better without being distracted.

Safety first and cost-effective
For Railkar, who has been going on dates without the help of applications, the approach helps her be in the moment, and ticks all the safety checks. She explains, "If we are driving back home, it's best that none of us drinks." The fact that alcoholic drinks are very expensive in pubs and restaurants is another factor that dissuades her from consuming alcohol. "Depends on the comfort level that you share with the person. My friends tend to avoid drinking especially during the initial stages of dating. Also, people these days observe that alcohol is exorbitantly charged at pubs or restaurants and in fact helps save money by avoiding drinking. "I might not behave myself on the date under the influence of alcohol and would end up spoiling my day and that of the other person too," she shares.

The 32-year-old isn't the only one who has adopted the practice because there are others in her close circle who also follow it at various levels. "It depends on the comfort level that you share with the person. My friends tend to avoid drinking especially during the initial stages of dating."

It is no different for another Mumbaikar, who requests anonymity. Trust is on top of their list when it comes to drinking with people they are going on dates with. As a rule, they drink only in the company of close friends or in places she can rest for a long time, in case they get drunk. They say, "Dating for me over the past two years has just been the initial couple of dates and the talking phase. So, the level of trust for me to drink with someone, given my personal protocol, hasn't been built yet." While the term may have become only popular now, she has been doing it for a long time now and may just be one of the few in her close circle to not drink on dates and has seen many benefits come out of it.

They explain, "Meeting someone for the first time after just some online interactions, requires a leap of faith. As a female bodied person brought up in this society, I've been taught to be vigilant of my surroundings, especially in new settings. Alcohol in my system would work against this goal by reducing my vigilance and inhibitions." The Mumbaikar, who has been meeting people through dating applications, does realise that just one drink wouldn't be all that bad, but she prefers to be cautious.

"Additionally, my lack of drinking might sometimes ensure the other person keeps their drinking within their tolerance levels. This helps me avoid any probable scenario of handling the other person getting drunk," they add. It is also an aspect that Railkar identifies with as she says while there isn't a problem with the other person drinking, even when she isn't, consuming alcohol in moderation would be ideal. ​

Avoid unnecessary social obligations
Like Railkar, Russell Lopez also doesn't have an issue if the person he is on a date with drinks, even though he doesn't drink at all. However, if it does become a habit, he says, then that doesn't appeal to him. He explains, "If it becomes a habit where they just don't know how to have fun or do anything special without alcohol involved then I don't see myself with that type of a person." This is apart from the fact that women can feel safe, he says, and can leave whenever men act creepy.

While going on non-alcoholic dates is easy for Lopez, the 37-year-old usually also likes to avoid places that serve alcohol as he finds them to be counter-productive. "Since it is a date, the objective is to get to know the person. So, going to a place that serves alcohol usually means that the place is loud and/or dimly lit," he shares. Another reason why he avoids such places is because when he meets the person, it is more about the social norms around drinking than being themselves. "Around alcohol, you have to order overpriced food, clink glasses from time-time, be conscious about not drinking too much or drinking more if the person with you is drinking more. Lastly, pick the right kind of alcohol because you will be judged for it. There are too many unspoken obligations for a simple date."

However, when all of this is removed, the city-based advertising agency professional from Dadar, says it forces one to have a conversation and keep the date lively, which helps you understand the person better. Like Lopez, even his close circle has people who go on dates without alcohol.

Benefits of dry dating
Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Meghna, popularly known as ‘The Therapist Mommy', on Instagram, explains, "Dry dating is becoming popular after the Covid-19 pandemic because there has been a shift in the way people are looking at their health and wellness. While people picked up a glass of alcohol after finishing work then, now they have realised the impact of consumption on our health. This tendency of being more conscious is now getting transferred to the dating scene."

Like Railkar and Lopez have experienced, the Bengaluru-based therapist says not having alcohol on a date actually helps on a number of counts because people don't need alcohol-fueled courage to make a conversation. "It brings you closer to who you are as a person, and you are able to express yourself more authentically. If we don't have alcohol, then we remember how the date went and how we felt, we don't have a hangover. You are able to strike up meaningful conversations and be able to evaluate your chemistry without the influence of alcohol," she adds.

Dr Meghna adds that people don't need alcohol on dates because it opens up a whole new area as they are not confined to a loud and dark space. She explains, "You can do activities together like take an art, dance or piano class together, go to a museum or hiking together. When you are in a space with shared activities, you will get so much more information about them." At the same time, it is important to remember if one is not having alcohol, people can tell their dates about it but definitely not force it upon them to not drink too.

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