Back in office, out of home: How to cope with separation anxiety as work resumes

For most working professionals, the inevitable return to the physical office is knocking at their door. While there are some who started going back much earlier, many others are going back to the office space for the first time since March 2020. Interestingly, whereas most people liked the idea of working from home, it soon became difficult for many as every family member was at home. But that was 2020 and now that many people have finally adjusted to each other, they have to leave to work again.

Parents and partners have been at the receiving end of this as they have once again been distanced from their children and better halves for hours at a time. As people get back to office, Mid-day.com reached out to city-based mental health experts to understand the feeling of separation anxiety and how people can deal with it. While it is easier for adults, children may still be trying to understand this change.

Three experts - Dr Maya Kirpalani, consultant psychologist and family therapist, Dr P D Lakdawala, psychiatrist at Bhatia Hospital and Dr Jalpa Bhuta, consultant psychiatrist at Global Hospital - discuss how getting back to office affects the family. They also break down the meaning of separation anxiety, how parents can help their children deal with it, and how partners can stay connected to each other through it all.

Many people are returning to work in the office. Given that they have worked while being around family for more than a year, how does this affect the emotions and dynamics at home?

Kripalani believes that firstly people will be happy that they are able to move around after almost two years of restrictions. It will be especially true for wives who are burdened with many responsibilities and will get some breathing space after their children go back to school and husbands resume working from the office.

However, she explains, "Individuals can get hassled and distressed to get re-accustomed to office hours and following a specific routine." Amid dealing with returning to office, there is a huge possibility of people experiencing separation anxiety. Bhuta says this is more so because of the Covid-19 pandemic, which led to working-from-home and subsequently made children and parents used to the scenario of physical proximity and comfort in the other's presence. With offices and schools restarting, it can trigger underlying anxieties for all. "Both parents and younger children are showing some of the above symptoms and it is affecting their peace of mind and day to day functioning," she adds.

What is separation anxiety?

Bhuta says separation anxiety is a regular part of development for children between the age of six months to three years. When symptoms continue into late childhood, the child may be diagnosed as having child separation anxiety disorder. She explains, "If separation anxiety continues into adulthood, you will be diagnosed with adult separation anxiety disorder. Symptoms of anxiety disorder in children and adults are similar."

For children, she says, separation anxiety is often associated with extreme fear or anxiety about being away from parents or caregivers. That can make a child less willing to participate in events or social experiences, like spending the night at a friend's house or going to summer sleepaway camp. On the other hand, for adults, the anxiety is around being away from children or spouses. Bhuta adds that it's normal to be concerned about the well-being of loved ones.

What are the symptoms of separation anxiety?

Bhuta says some of the common symptoms include unfounded fears that loved ones or yourself will be abducted or fatally injured. It also extends to the feeling of extreme and persistent hesitancy or refusal to leave the proximity of loved ones, difficulty sleeping away from a loved one for fear that something will happen to them, depression or anxiety attacks related to any such situations. She explains, "The person may also have physical aches and pains, headaches and diarrhoea associated with periods of anxiety."

How are children and those with medical illnesses affected?

Children are affected because they have spent a lot of time with their parents at home during this period. Kripalani says that they will have to be more disciplined in their daily lives since they are getting back to the routine. "They might turn angry and defiant for a while but soon adjust as they begin to experience the joy of being with their peer group and meeting their teachers," she adds.

However, it may be different for children who are insecure or those who have any medical illness that requires the mother's constant care. The city-based psychologist explains, "They can turn more anxious when they don't see their mother by their side."

How can parents help their children deal with this distance?

Lakdawala suggests that parents could firstly engage their children in an ongoing dialogue to help them overcome their anxieties. "Offer solutions to their queries and constantly reassure them as trusted parents," he says.

While engaging with them can be done outside of work, the city-based psychiatrist says parents could also help children while they are at work. He explains, "Ensure to check in regularly with your children during your tea break, lunch break on how things are going. Talk about what you are planning to do together once you are back home." This, he says, will help parents to show their love and care for their children even though they have started working from the office again.

Lakdawala suggests that after parents return from work, they should make it a priority to spend time with their children, even if it is for a brief 15-20 minutes. Apart from listening to what they have to say, it will also help parents share a bit about their day to overcome the insecure feeling.

Since partners who have been working around each other will be away, how can they continue to maintain their relationship?

After spending so much time with each other at home, Lakdawala says it will take some time to readjust to the new routine of not having one's partner by their side all the time. "People can try to build these new lifestyle changes slowly and remember to communicate over a text or a quick video chat to reduce the void."

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