Are you dating a ‘bare minimum’ partner? Relationship experts dissect the type and share ways to navigate half-hearted lovers

In relationships, actions speak louder than sugar-laced promises. Some may find this utopic but lovers still exchange flowers and save the most savoury bites for their better halves. Quite honestly, nothing screams affection like the little things we do for our beloved.

Tragically, some of us get entangled with a ‘bare minimum partner.' These are individuals who invest minimal efforts in communication, curating special moments and conflict resolution. Hence, the duty of preserving the emotional equilibrium falls squarely on the other partner. To top that, the intensity of efforts needed to float a relationship also varies from one equation to another.

Navigating a bare minimum partner can be emotionally draining. You find yourself constantly embroiled, attempting to account for their lack of commitment. To assist you with this emotional turmoil, we racked the brains of relationship experts on ways to deal with half-hearted lovers.

The 'bare-minimum partner' in real life
One common sign is when a partner, often the male spouse, believes that providing financial support is sufficient for maintaining the relationship, shares Dr Swarupa M U - a consultant psychiatrist and family therapist at Cadabams Group, Bangalore. "They may feel that their financial contribution absolves them of other responsibilities in the relationship, such as emotional support or active involvement in family matters."

Swarupa adds that she has worked with couples where one partner, typically from a business-focused family, prioritised their career and financial responsibilities to the detriment of family time. They viewed their role as primarily financial and didn't invest adequate time in the family, leading to issues.

In cases involving addiction, individuals who prioritise their social circle and habits over their family's needs may display a minimal commitment to their relationships. Their time and effort are primarily directed towards their addiction, leaving little for their loved ones.

Individuals with antisocial personality traits may also exhibit minimal commitment. They often lack empathy, disregard rules, and have a negative perspective on relationships. Their behaviour can be harmful to their family's well-being, adds Swarupa.

Eight traits of a 'bare-minimum partner'
According to Tinder's Future of Dating report, personal development, emotional well-being, and clear communication in relationships are priorities for Gen Z. When you observe signs of complacency and lack of devotion from your partner, it can threaten the relationship's welfare, opines Dr Chandni Tugnait, Life Coach and Relationship Expert with Tinder India.

Communication neglect
They rarely initiate conversations and when they do, it's often about superficial things like worldly affairs, gossip and their own selfish ambitions. They may seem disinterested in talking about emotional issues and anything that you deem important for the relationship.

Emotional distance
You will begin to notice a growing emotional gap between you two. No matter how much you pamper them and shower them with your love, they will stay away from expressing gratitude. Consequently, they may be less affectionate, emotionally unavailable or unwilling to engage in meaningful conversations.

Lack of quality time
Spending quality time together becomes infrequent or feels forced. You may tend to feel awkward in sharing silence with them and will try to fill it with small talk. Additionally, they may prioritise other activities of their choice making you feel unimportant.

Failure to compromise
For a ‘bare minimum partner', you and your feelings will always come second. In case of conflicts, they will choose not to compromise even if it implies hurting you. They might be stubborn and unwilling to find mutually satisfactory solutions.

Forgetting special occasions
Birthdays, anniversaries and even doctor appointments will not make it to their calendars. Being less invested will inevitably mean that they consistently forget important dates or milestones that hold significance in your relationship.

Limited effort
No matter how affectionately you treat them, they will find ways to disappoint you with their faint efforts. You will be left feeling unloved or unappreciated as there are no memories of unconditional love and support. Simple gestures like giving compliments, surprises or acts of kindness will become rare.

Minimal future planning
They avoid discussing future plans together, such as moving in, marriage, or starting a family and may appear unsure about their commitment to a long-term relationship.

Secretive behaviour
They become increasingly secretive about their personal life and activities. Despite asking, they will choose not to give a clear picture which can lead to feelings of mistrust. This is a stark warning sign that your partner has stopped caring about your emotional needs.

Red flags to watch out for
Recognising early signs of emotional unavailability in someone can be crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Experts at Tinder share the top red flags that give away the signs of a partner who is barely invested:

1 Lack of time commitment
2 Self-centred behaviour
3 Inability to engage in open and meaningful communication
4 Making fun of your interests/beliefs
5 Refusing to converse further when you shared something emotional/personal

Seven ways to address a partner who gives minimal effort to the relationship
Addressing a partner who gives minimal effort to the relationship can be a challenging but essential task for the health and longevity of the partnership. It's crucial to approach this situation with sensitivity, empathy and a willingness to work together to improve the relationship. Here's how to do it:

Know what you seek
Before addressing your partner, take some time for self-reflection. Consider your own needs, feelings and expectations within the relationship. Identify specific areas where you feel your partner's effort is lacking and why these areas are important to you.

Do not rush into difficult conversations
Timing and setting are crucial for productive discussions. Find a quiet, private and relaxed environment where you can have an open and honest conversation without distractions or interruptions. Choose a time when both you and your partner are calm and receptive.

Stop blaming, start admitting
Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding rather than blame. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs. For example, say, "I feel unappreciated when we don't spend quality time together," rather than, "You never make an effort." Avoid placing blame or making accusations, as this can lead to defensiveness and resistance. Instead, focus on finding solutions together and improving the relationship collaboratively.

Mention specific moments
Provide concrete examples of the behaviours or actions that make you feel your partner is not fully invested in the relationship. Avoid making sweeping generalisations and instead focus on specific instances that concern you.

Active listening
Allow your partner to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption. Listen actively, seeking to understand their perspective and motivations. It's possible that there are underlying reasons for their minimal effort, such as personal stress or issues. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. This can help you both gain deeper insights into each other's needs and concerns.

Set clear expectations
Clearly communicate your expectations for the relationship moving forward. Be specific about what you need from your partner to feel more fulfilled and connected. Ask your partner about their expectations as well, shares Ruchi Ruuh - the relationship expert from the dating app, Bumble.

Establish boundaries
Discuss boundaries that are important to both of you. These boundaries can help define roles, responsibilities, and personal space within the relationship, which can reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.

Decoding why someone becomes a ‘bare minimum' partner
The socio-cultural environment in which an individual is raised can significantly impact their behaviour in relationships, remarks Swarupa. Family upbringing and the role models they were exposed to during childhood shapes their expectations and perceptions of healthy relationships.

The parenting style a person experienced during their childhood also plays a crucial role. It can influence their communication patterns, conflict resolution skills, and overall relationship dynamics.

Individuals tend to model their behaviour after what they observe around them. The way they see other couples functioning can set the standard for their own relationships, sometimes leading to unhealthy patterns if those models are flawed.

Previous relationships, particularly those marked by trust issues or traumatic experiences, can leave lasting emotional scars that affect one's ability to build healthy relationships in the future. Thus, empathy and understanding become crucial components in addressing the root causes of such behavioural issues in a partner.

Issues such as depression, anxiety, or more severe conditions like schizophrenia can have a profound impact on an individual's behaviour in relationships. For instance, depression can lead to negative thinking patterns and an inclination to magnify problems, even in situations where a partner's intentions are positive.

How to not be a ‘bare minimum' partner yourself
It is important to understand that each person's needs and expectations in a relationship are unique. The concept of being a ‘bare minimum partner' should be viewed through the lens of their spouse or partner's perspective. It's crucial for individuals to genuinely comprehend what their partner seeks in the relationship. This understanding begins with open communication and transparency.

Often, partners feel unappreciated, and this can lead to dissatisfaction in the relationship. A simple compliment or acknowledgment can go a long way in strengthening the partnership, informs Swarupa.
Couples should establish rituals like sitting together for meals or spending time together without distractions, such as phones or work. Understanding each other's needs for intimacy, both emotional and physical, is crucial. Couples should openly discuss their desires and work together to meet each other's expectations in this regard.