Wife smelt something fishy and now I'm in a soup!

Wife smelt something fishy and now I'm in a soup!

Dear Diana,
I'm 31 andu00a0 have been living far from home for 12 years. During my earlier five years, I stayed with a relative's family, where I developed a relationship with my relative's wife. We liked each other's company. Her husband didn't give her enough time, and we engaged in foreplay but not sex. Today, I am married to a beautiful girl who loves me very much. There was this one incident though; where we were invited for lunch by these same relatives. My wife noticed how I acted around this woman. I have tried my level best to convince her that I don't have anything to do with that relative any more, but she can't come to terms with it. Whenever we argue

Roger

Dear Roger,
If your wife senses something amiss, it won't take her too long to figure out the cause of the problem. She knows there's only one way men act around some women and why. You ought to have been more careful in your dealings with the women in your past. You might have let it go a long time ago. And are probably only acting a certain way for old times' sake. There may be more than one reason why you react a certain way. To be able to convince your wife, you have to keep tellin yourslef that it's over. She won't react unless you gave her cause to react. The only way you can regain her trust is with the passage of time and promise it's all behind you forever.

She missed the bus. And I've found someone...

Dear Diana,
I am 28. I was in relationship with a married woman for the past two years. She has two children. We loved each other very much and were physical as well. She isn't happy with her husband. I asked her to come to me along with her children, but she could not do so as her parents would not have agreed. Now, my marriage has been fixed with another girl, and both of us find it hard to be separated from each other. She insists I keep in touch even after marriage. I have refused this, but she is adamant.
u00a0
Sandip Sen

Dear Sandip,
If she's married to a guy she isn't happy with and wants to leave, how does her parents' consent count for anything? If she wants to, she's free to do as she pleases; which includes separating from her husband. Your offer stood as long as she was willing to be with you. You have to tell her very clearly that you have moved on and that it's over and there can never be anything between the two of you in the future. Keeping extra-marital contact would kill off your marriage sooner rather than later. Let her be adamant, you excercise reason and logic.

Forgiving husband or tarrying boyfriend?

Dear Diana,
I have been married 10 years now but have been madly in love with another man for the last seven years. He loves me too. I don't want to ditch my husband but would like a divorce with mutual understanding. Lately, my husband found out but is ready to forgive me for what I have done for our daughter's sake. My problem is I can't share myself with both of them. The other man is not ready to get married to me and wants to drag on our relationship as long as we can. Pleaseu00a0 let me know what I should do.

XYZ

Dear Friend,
Think about this very carefully. On one hand you have a guy you've spent the better part of a decade with. On what grounds exactly do you expect him to divorce you. Indeed, why should he? It seems largely selfish that you should not consider your daughter's point-of-view in this whole affair. Agreed, you're out of love with him. But when were you going to tell him? Some guys need to be told. And besides, the lover isn't offering commitment. Is commitment what you want from him? Or just the joy of having his company? Ask yourself this. Is it really worth all the heartache that is sure to follow?