Have a problem? Diana will solve it!
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| Illustration/satish acharya |
Dear Diana,I have been married for the last six years and have two children. My husband loves me a lot, but sometimes I feel I am nothing in his eyes when compared to his mother and sister.
They constantly make demands on him -- his time, his money even and he never says no to them. Not only he doesn't know how to say no, but he just doesn't want to. His sister is married to a very well to do guy, but she still insists he buy her expensive gifts.
My house is controlled by these two women -- they decide when it's time to go for a new sofa, which coaching class my children should go to, when it's time for a family vacation ufffd My husband will not listen to my one word against them. For the past few years, we have been saving money for our children's future education, so we could put them in a better school. Yesterday, he took all that money to buy his sister an expensive jewellery set. I am fed up. What do I do?
Reena
Dear Reena,Start by speaking up and asserting yourself, without being aggresive. When a decision is being taken, gently voice your choices. Hopefully some of the times you will get your way. If they don't, then start taking decisions for matters that directly relate to you and your children.
Make your husband understand that as an adult you are capable of making the right decisions, you want to be involved in making them, and not being included makes you feel like your aren't part of the family. Understand that things have been done in a certain way in that house, even before you were part of it, and they have just continued to be so because no one has tried to change it. Your in-laws might not welcome the change, so be tactful. Next time when you save for your children, make sure only you have authority to touch that money. It is a lesson learnt.u00a0
Do I want him to be more than my friend?
Dear Diana,
How do you know when you genuinely like someone? I have been friends with him for years, and we have gone on datesu00a0 but we were pretty much always just friends.
Now he's moved away for a job, and I keep thinking about him and I want him to be my boyfriend. I hadn't had such feelings before. I'm so confused.
Vipasha
Dear Vipasha,
Some people just need a catalyst to uncover their true feelings. His moving away has you reflecting on your relationship with him. If you didn't have some sort of feelings, you wouldn't be so bent out of shape about it. You need to talk to him and see where this goes.
Only you can determine how deep these feelings are, but, regardless, there are legitimate feelings there, for sure.
I am stuck with nosey friends...
Dear Diana,
I have lost a lot of friends lately because I can't stand people who stick their nose in my business. They try to manipulate me. Is it fair to eject people from your life who can't mind their own business? I know a lot of people (some relatives) who keep asking personal questions like, "Why don't you want to have kids?" and "Are you gay? Why don't you have a girlfriend?" and "How much money do you have in the bank?" The questions really bother me. Am I too sensitive? Should I tell them to get lost? Or should I allow these people to stick their nose in?
Vikram
Dear Vikram,
"Ejecting" someone from your life for not minding his or her own business seems a little harsh. These people may be crossing the line of common courtesy, but if you believe that they mean well and actually care about you then casting them off entirely seems unwise.
At least give them an opportunity to remain your friend. Perhaps they don't know any better. We all have nosey relatives. They mean well and they can't help prying. It's part of their grain and our culture. Also, perhaps you have not made your feelings clear regarding your privacy. Some people have higher thresholds for privacy than others. Just outline yours, and if they are sensible, they will respect your boundaries.
