Sex goes missing from urban marriages

Frequent romps in bed are disappearing from urban Indian marriages faster than you can say I'm busy, say experts. here's why young couples are choosing careers over sex

Frequent romps in bed are disappearing from urban Indian marriages faster than you can say "I'm busy", say experts. here's why young couples are choosing careers over sex

Forget DINK (Double Income No Kids). Urban Indian couples are now throwing sex u2013 with each other u2013 out of the picture too. According to Dr Vinod Chebbi, sexologist, marriage counsellor and director of Medisex Foundation, "74% of married couples in Indian metros are too busy to have sex. Among the couples in the survey, 82% of couples were married for less than five years and 18% for five or more." About 50% of couples suffer from infertility problems because of infrequent sexual activity.

70% get married for companionship
Even more disturbing is his finding that sexual activity reduces as income and social status evolve. "Career ambition is one of the prime causes for declining interest levels," says Dr Shekhar Doddamani of the Acupuncture, Sex Therapy and Research Institute of Sexual Medicine.

Relationships are becoming more about companionship than sex. In a survey conducted by the Family Planning Association of India, over 70% cited companionship as the reason for marriage.

When Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage crumbled recently, they had been sexless for as long as 18 months.

Popstar Madonna wasn't far off the mark when she said: "Love and sex are two different things". Her marriage to director Guy Ritchie which crumbled recently had been sexless for as long as 18 months.

Rumour has it that she was too tired for love due to her gruelling daily 4-hour workouts. A close friends revealed: "They would often sleep in separate rooms after major rows, so there was no chance to make up."

No sex better than extra-marital affair
Things are no different out here. Emotional incompatibility is the reason for separation in almost 2 out of 5 persons, that is 30%, says a new survey by the portal SecondShaadi.com.

Other popular reasons were change of attitude from before marriage, extramarital affairs and not surprisingly sexual incompatibility.

"As long as a couple is happy together, how does it matter?", asks supermodel Mugdha Godse. She played a woman who marries a gay designer in Madhur Bhandarkar's film, Fashion: "In real life, I'd never make such a sacrifice. Of course, such things do happen; and it's fine. Better an honest marriage without sex than spouses having secret extramarital affairs."

As Susan Yager-Berkowitz, who co-authored (with her husband) "Why Men Stop Having Sex: The Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships and What You Can Do About It", said, "If a couple is content with intimacy less than once a month, and happily married, I doubt they would refer to themselves as having a sexless marriageu2026 and neither would we."

All that matters is that partners are in SYNC
Sexologist Dr Deepak Arora, says, "For some people, the idea of a sexless marriage is unthinkable.

For others, it may be a trade off in an otherwise happy relationship. The key of course, is making sure that both partners' views are in sync."

If you have to, Schedule Sex time
When a couple has had a long period say, several months without sex, it's important to address the problem, so that months don't become years. Here's what experts suggest:
Schedule sex
Opt for counselling
Develop an action plan
Work on your own attractiveness
Have a heart-to-heart... now!