04 August,2010 06:56 AM IST | | Dear Diana
Dear Diana,
I have been married for two months now. Ours is an arranged marriage but we seem to be highly incompatible.
Moreover, our IQ levels don't seem to match. As a result, I am unable to make this relationship work because we do not seem to understand each other.
When I tell him there is a problem, he disagrees. I feel he is only interested in getting physical. I am on the verge of a separation/divorce.
Marriage, for me, is more than simply having sex. I feel we should be friends first and then move to sex. I don't think he understands this. It would be traumatic for me to have sex before I know the person well.
u00a0
He is still a stranger to me and has made no attempts to become friends. He seems to think that marriage is all about cooking and having sex. What should I do?
Archana Gupta
Dear Archana,
That's the problem with arranged marriages. There's a chance you might end up being with a guy you are totally incompatable with.
Why did you go in for a marriage without getting to know this guy? Now that you are married, I would suggest try to make it work.
Every budding relationship goes through teething problems. Even a marriage between a couple who have known each other for years is difficult, and you don't even have that advantage. So it will be tough.
My advice would be: Give it at least six months before you sign the divorce papers. Tell your husband why this isn't working for you.
Tell him you don't like to be treated like a sex machine or a cook. Finally, you have to ask yourself: Is this guy capable of changing?
If you think that he is incapable of ever understanding you or your needs, then there is no sense in prolonging your agony. Just tell yourself that you made a mistake and get out of this marriage.
I love a guy who lives far far away...
Dear Diana,
I am a 19-year-old girl and I think I'm falling in love with a friend who livesu00a0 hundreds of miles away. But it would be perfectly plausible to meet every couple of weeks.
u00a0
We talk everyday for hours. Do you think it will be possible for us to make this work? Should I ask him if we should go for it?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
Long distance relationships are hard. At your age, it will be harder. Of course things are easier now with mobiles and Internet but with a commitment come expectations and dealing with that won't be easy.
Even if you believe love conquers all, I'd advise you to take it nice and easy. Also, do you even know if he feels the same way about you? Just ask him before you make any definite plans.
I really like him, but he's being too pushy...
Dear Diana,
Two weeks ago, I started conversing with a guy. The only problem is that his seven year old marriage ended just a month ago.
So now he is living with his parents and has no job. He is trying to get back on his feet but I don't want him to get serious with me.
He calls me several times every day and I finally snapped at him and said that I do not want to be his rebound relationship.
How do I tell him to slow down? He is a nice guy but he is pushing me away by being persistent. Help me!
NM
Dear NM,
He really is going through a bad phase, and is seeking emotional support and companionship with the first woman in sight. In this case, that happens to be you. Plus he doesn't have a job, which must add to his frustration.
You can offer him companionship and support but first tell him that he's coming on too strongly and you want him to cut way back on the phone calls. Also tell him to understand the concept of space.
Not just for you, but also for his own good! Encourage him to get together with other guys, get some counselling and you can decide what to do depending on whether he changes or not.
